UPCOMING RELEASES
ROCK NEWS
17-01-2023 15:08 GMT
FALL FROM GRACE
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| Music industry update | New York, USA | Indie artist, Frank Palangi |
"What are we celebrating today and why is this such a wonderful day?", I sense you are asking. And I'll tell you. Every day is wonderful, every day is special, and every day must be celebrated. Don't ask why, just believe me, mkay? Good girl ("patting you on the head").
Okay let's get started.
To be honest with you, you're not gonna like this article very much. I just got back from holiday and everything in the real world now kind of sort of totally sucks ass!! Where are all the tanned, muscular, well hung oiled up men in mankinis bringing me really dirty martinis and rubbing sunscreen on my buttocks? Oops!! I mean my back. Where's all the sunshine? Why is nobody coming to massage me when I ring the bell? Why isn't someone checking to see if I've finished my martini? Where the F* is my chariot? WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON TODAY, HUH?!!!
OMG I'm sorry...
"Deep breaths, deep breaths..."
I totally almost lost it there, but I'm good now.
But that's not just why you probably won't like this article.. The other reason is because, like many of the articles I write it's got a lot of sex stuff in it. Well not a lot, but enough to make you cringe a little bit. I've been getting so many complaints from the editors. Some of them even have Cardi B's "Freak" song blaring through their office speakers and are watching Nicki Minaj eat bananas really slowly on MTV while they're telling me that sh*t - can you believe it? What a bunch of hypocrites right?
Many of my readers too complain about the same thing and I tell them plainly, “if you find it disgusting or offensive, just stop reading it!”. Yet time and time again, they come back here with that Britney Spears song “Ooops!! I Did It Again” playing in the back of their minds and they don’t even know it. I never liked the title of that song – seemed like something someone who mistakenly pooped in their pants would say. I’ve been hearing it everywhere I go lately, I think my following must be growing, he-he-he (cha-ching!!).
Just for the record, I'm a lady okay? I've never eaten a banana, I don't have any tattoos, I always wear a bra and I change my tampons very regularly. I know you feel like you didn't need to know the last part, sorry – you’ll discover why I said it later.
I met Jay-Z last night after a concert and was about to take a picture with him when he threw up that dirty sign that Millennial boys make with their hands when they are, em ... in the words of Charlie Harper, "barbecuing alone". I jumped back and screamed out loud, "man! get that thing out of the air before one of these nasty teenagers comes over here and tries to put their willie in it or something!". He totally didn't understand and just looked at me like a total weirdo as I backed away quickly and fearfully, looking around frantically like I had just seen a ghost or something. I admit I overreacted a little bit. It's just that I have nightmares about Millennials all the time and they never end well. As I backed away with my hands frantically feeling around behind me to make sure I didn't bump into anything, I bumped into Beyoncé and my hand mistakenly felt around her crotch area. I apologised and left quickly. I'm not gay, but I totally didn't hate that last part at all...
Many of my readers too complain about the same thing and I tell them plainly, “if you find it disgusting or offensive, just stop reading it!”. Yet time and time again, they come back here with that Britney Spears song “Ooops!! I Did It Again” playing in the back of their minds and they don’t even know it. I never liked the title of that song – seemed like something someone who mistakenly pooped in their pants would say. I’ve been hearing it everywhere I go lately, I think my following must be growing, he-he-he (cha-ching!!).
Just for the record, I'm a lady okay? I've never eaten a banana, I don't have any tattoos, I always wear a bra and I change my tampons very regularly. I know you feel like you didn't need to know the last part, sorry – you’ll discover why I said it later.
I met Jay-Z last night after a concert and was about to take a picture with him when he threw up that dirty sign that Millennial boys make with their hands when they are, em ... in the words of Charlie Harper, "barbecuing alone". I jumped back and screamed out loud, "man! get that thing out of the air before one of these nasty teenagers comes over here and tries to put their willie in it or something!". He totally didn't understand and just looked at me like a total weirdo as I backed away quickly and fearfully, looking around frantically like I had just seen a ghost or something. I admit I overreacted a little bit. It's just that I have nightmares about Millennials all the time and they never end well. As I backed away with my hands frantically feeling around behind me to make sure I didn't bump into anything, I bumped into Beyoncé and my hand mistakenly felt around her crotch area. I apologised and left quickly. I'm not gay, but I totally didn't hate that last part at all...
Okay I loved it alright?! It was Beyoncé for God's sake. Sue me!!
At this point I can sense that you have become curious. You've put your hands in the air like Jay does and then gradually moved it towards your crotch area and made a jerking back and forth motion or two to try to get the picture. I can also sense that you've got a smile on your face now, you can't believe you just did that and are looking around to make sure no one saw you. You are slightly disgusted and embarrassed that you entertained the idea, but you totally get it now. Remember those guys at the gym that had one arm that looked like Popeye after he had eaten spinach and the other arm that looked like it needed work? Yep, they'd been doing it wrong all along. You don't see many of them around anymore do you? Why do you think that is so? They've been listening to Jay-z - They know! Now you know too. I had to find out the hard way after walking in on one of my interns while he was practicing the same technique late at the office one night when he thought everyone had gone home. And no, he doesn't work here anymore. Consider yourself lucky to have learned about it the easy way, by me telling you. You're welcome!
See? I’m not all bad. You might think I’m rambling about disgusting things sometimes but there is always a moral of the story (or two) written down on a piece of paper in front of me when I write and they will reveal themselves when you least expect it. Would you like to know what is written down on the piece of paper in front of me today? Of course you do. And I’ll tell you. I’ve got a blue sticky note in front of me. The text on the sticky note reads, “A man without a smile shouldn’t open a shop”. And it’s got a smiley face at the bottom of it. It's a saying Chinese people say. It sounds better in Chinese. (Coming to think of it, it seems like everything sounds better in Chinese. Hmn... 🤔)
To cut a long story short, my goal today was to make you smile so that you can attract prosperity and all the good things you deserve so much because you're so awesome. I think you did when you put Jay’s sign in your crotch and imagined you were a teenage boy who just logged onto Pornhub after a hard day's work swiping and double tapping and doing dirty things with strangers all over the neighbourhood with Tinder. But guess what? There’s a second sticky note underneath. I won’t tell you what’s written on it yet, or if in fact there is anything written on it. Oh by the way, did you know what that sign Jay-z makes with his hands means? Of course you do, but I’ll tell you anyway – it’s the all-seeing eye, the third eye. If you didn’t know, well now you know. Too bad I just told you what Millennials are doing with it – now every time you go into alpha mode you’d have to first annihilate any notorious imaginings of horny teenagers trying to stick their willies in your eye ‘cos they’ve run out of good places to put it, he-he-he. Oops!! Sorry.
Anyway where were we?
Ah yes, the independent music news story of the day. I know – finally, right?
After just over a year since the release of his latest record - the critically acclaimed self-titled 6 track EP, Frank Palangi V; New York independent solo rock sensation Frank Palangi has announced the release date of his next project. In this new age of the music industry when fans start to desperately crave new music by their favourite artist as little as a day after new music by their favourite artist is released, it is very welcome news. One year is a very long time to wait for a new record nowadays, in fact it almost feels like it’s been ten years. I’ve been following this story closely and checking my emails for updates so long that I started to hear that rock anthem “I Predict a Riot” by Kaiser Cheifs playing in the back of my head every time I checked and found nothing. Are music fans getting too aggressive with their insatiable desires for louder sounds and demands for new music? Do you feel like they are the ones destroying the music industry? To be honest with you, I think so; but who am I to judge? I am old school, I only want good music, not just any music. That’s why I follow Frank and I never listen to Kanye West. Well now you know, there’s a new track on the way – you’re happy, I’m happy, everybody wins. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy! The new song, which is titled “Fall From Grace” is scheduled for release around the end of March and will be available to pre-save and pre-order on Spotify and Apple Music two weeks before the official release date. The specific dates will be provided as they become available.
Now, would you like to know what was written on that second sticky note I spoke of earlier on in the article? Of course you do. And here it goes: “good things come to those who wait”. I know, “WTF” right? All this knowledge in one day, sheesh!!!
But seriously, I’m not just telling you that because you were patient and got the good news about the new independent rock release you’d been waiting for. I’m telling you this for a bigger purpose. Sometime during the course of your day, week or even month; maybe even later in the year, you’ll be presented with a crucial opportunity to exercise patience. You’ll be ready because I've prepared you, and you’ll get that thing you’ve been asking for. Your third eye - your all-seeing eye, asked me to send you this message.
And oh, lest I forget - I didn’t really meet Jay-z and Beyoncé last night. It was a group of new (but really good) rappers I met that for some reason decided to throw up the sign. I’ve never met Jay-z, but I knew you'd get the picture quicker if I said it was him.
I need to change my tampon now. Oops!! I mean powder my nose. All this talk about Beyoncé has got me soaked to be honest. I'm not gay I promise. My favourite Beyoncé Christmas song is "Put a Sock On It", that's totally not gay.
At this point I can sense that you have become curious. You've put your hands in the air like Jay does and then gradually moved it towards your crotch area and made a jerking back and forth motion or two to try to get the picture. I can also sense that you've got a smile on your face now, you can't believe you just did that and are looking around to make sure no one saw you. You are slightly disgusted and embarrassed that you entertained the idea, but you totally get it now. Remember those guys at the gym that had one arm that looked like Popeye after he had eaten spinach and the other arm that looked like it needed work? Yep, they'd been doing it wrong all along. You don't see many of them around anymore do you? Why do you think that is so? They've been listening to Jay-z - They know! Now you know too. I had to find out the hard way after walking in on one of my interns while he was practicing the same technique late at the office one night when he thought everyone had gone home. And no, he doesn't work here anymore. Consider yourself lucky to have learned about it the easy way, by me telling you. You're welcome!
See? I’m not all bad. You might think I’m rambling about disgusting things sometimes but there is always a moral of the story (or two) written down on a piece of paper in front of me when I write and they will reveal themselves when you least expect it. Would you like to know what is written down on the piece of paper in front of me today? Of course you do. And I’ll tell you. I’ve got a blue sticky note in front of me. The text on the sticky note reads, “A man without a smile shouldn’t open a shop”. And it’s got a smiley face at the bottom of it. It's a saying Chinese people say. It sounds better in Chinese. (Coming to think of it, it seems like everything sounds better in Chinese. Hmn... 🤔)
To cut a long story short, my goal today was to make you smile so that you can attract prosperity and all the good things you deserve so much because you're so awesome. I think you did when you put Jay’s sign in your crotch and imagined you were a teenage boy who just logged onto Pornhub after a hard day's work swiping and double tapping and doing dirty things with strangers all over the neighbourhood with Tinder. But guess what? There’s a second sticky note underneath. I won’t tell you what’s written on it yet, or if in fact there is anything written on it. Oh by the way, did you know what that sign Jay-z makes with his hands means? Of course you do, but I’ll tell you anyway – it’s the all-seeing eye, the third eye. If you didn’t know, well now you know. Too bad I just told you what Millennials are doing with it – now every time you go into alpha mode you’d have to first annihilate any notorious imaginings of horny teenagers trying to stick their willies in your eye ‘cos they’ve run out of good places to put it, he-he-he. Oops!! Sorry.
Anyway where were we?
Ah yes, the independent music news story of the day. I know – finally, right?
After just over a year since the release of his latest record - the critically acclaimed self-titled 6 track EP, Frank Palangi V; New York independent solo rock sensation Frank Palangi has announced the release date of his next project. In this new age of the music industry when fans start to desperately crave new music by their favourite artist as little as a day after new music by their favourite artist is released, it is very welcome news. One year is a very long time to wait for a new record nowadays, in fact it almost feels like it’s been ten years. I’ve been following this story closely and checking my emails for updates so long that I started to hear that rock anthem “I Predict a Riot” by Kaiser Cheifs playing in the back of my head every time I checked and found nothing. Are music fans getting too aggressive with their insatiable desires for louder sounds and demands for new music? Do you feel like they are the ones destroying the music industry? To be honest with you, I think so; but who am I to judge? I am old school, I only want good music, not just any music. That’s why I follow Frank and I never listen to Kanye West. Well now you know, there’s a new track on the way – you’re happy, I’m happy, everybody wins. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy! The new song, which is titled “Fall From Grace” is scheduled for release around the end of March and will be available to pre-save and pre-order on Spotify and Apple Music two weeks before the official release date. The specific dates will be provided as they become available.
Now, would you like to know what was written on that second sticky note I spoke of earlier on in the article? Of course you do. And here it goes: “good things come to those who wait”. I know, “WTF” right? All this knowledge in one day, sheesh!!!
But seriously, I’m not just telling you that because you were patient and got the good news about the new independent rock release you’d been waiting for. I’m telling you this for a bigger purpose. Sometime during the course of your day, week or even month; maybe even later in the year, you’ll be presented with a crucial opportunity to exercise patience. You’ll be ready because I've prepared you, and you’ll get that thing you’ve been asking for. Your third eye - your all-seeing eye, asked me to send you this message.
And oh, lest I forget - I didn’t really meet Jay-z and Beyoncé last night. It was a group of new (but really good) rappers I met that for some reason decided to throw up the sign. I’ve never met Jay-z, but I knew you'd get the picture quicker if I said it was him.
I need to change my tampon now. Oops!! I mean powder my nose. All this talk about Beyoncé has got me soaked to be honest. I'm not gay I promise. My favourite Beyoncé Christmas song is "Put a Sock On It", that's totally not gay.
Have a wonderful day.
