MIRACLE!

NEW MUSIC

ELECTRONIC ROCK NEWS

03-06-2023 17:37 GMT

MIRACLE!

Music industry update | Seoul, South Korea | Indie band, Love X Stereo

I walked in on my girlfriend’s daughter twerking in her underpants with no shirt on this morning and I didn’t look away. She was making a TikTok video. Everything around went blurred and all I could hear was “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hun”, that annoying Nicki Minaj song where she eats that poor banana really slowly in the music video; as my jaw dropped, eyes opened wide and neck protruded in really slow motion. It was so disgusting I couldn’t look away, like Miley Cyrus twerking at the MTV Awards with absolutely nothing jiggling or shaking, but worse. I let her finish, then we made a really awkward eye contact and I left. We later met at the kitchen table while I was eating my legendary Fruit Loops–Skittles–Jack Daniels mix breakfast, that I only eat when I need to get really pumped up for work. And she asked me: “why didn’t you look away?”, as if she was concerned that I might be creepy or something. I screamed back at her: “Bitch! That was the most disgusting thing I’ve never seen, get your little freaky ass up on the changing table so I can change that freaking diaper, it reeks! You’re f*cking up my cereal, get out of here, go”. I’ve been having flashbacks all day, it’s really f*cking with my head. She was wearing a thong over her diaper and she was doing that move where one hand is on the floor and, well, you know the rest. I’m really thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend more seriously now. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks but I’ve seen so many things already. The other day I woke up in the morning and walked into the bathroom casually to make my morning poopoo and there was a fully naked construction worker shaving his pubes in front of the vanity mirror. I quickly closed the door and screamed out to her, “hey babe, I didn’t know we were having any work done in the house, why’d you get a construction worker? And why is he naked in the bathroom?”. And she yelled back, to my surprise from behind the bathroom door I had just closed behind me: “you son of b*tch, that was me that was in there, get in here and shave me”. She was putting on her face, I totally didn't recognise her without make up. She had stubble and everything. Now I know what she really looks like and to be honest with you I feel hurt that she would lie to me like that all these past weeks. I thought I was blessed to be sleeping with an angel, I didn’t know I’d been taking a construction worker in high heels really hard from behind all this time. To be honest with you I think I’ve said too much and we should move on quickly. 

Let’s start afresh on a new page, let me introduce myself first and then we’ll go from there. And don’t worry, we’ll get to the music news part, lemme just warm up for a minute. It’s my first day writing here and I’ve been given specific instructions that I must follow, to make my boss happy – I don’t eat ass but sometimes I kiss it a little bit to make her happy, she really likes that. Oh wait, did I mention that my girlfriend, the girl I was talking about earlier was my boss? Yep, I'm totally hitting that. Sadly, I suspect I’m not the first one in the office she’s dated, that’s another reason I’ve been thinking about ditching her - I’ve been hearing things, but let’s move on. 

The instructions I was given was that no matter what I write about I must touch on 3 specific subject matters every single time: Jesus, p*ssy and dollars; or else my articles would be rejected. I think I’ve almost got the pussy cat part covered so let’s quickly finish that up and then we’ll have just two left to go and then we’ll get down to the music news story of the day that you came here for. You can read the original “Jesus, p*ssy and dollars” article written by one of my colleagues [here] so you know I’m not bullsh*tting you when I say I’ve been told I must do this. 

Now, I’m one of the older and significantly more mature writers here in the SRL writers room so please excuse me if I use big words like condoms, and heterosexual, and compact dicks (oops!! I meant compact discs). 

I’m not a couchie monster like all these young f*ckers that eat everything and walk around in torn, dirty clothes with expressionless eyes looking like Dua Lipa in that Michael Jackson Thriller video. Oh you didn’t know she was in there? Watch it again, they’re all Dua Lipa. I wear a suit and a tie to work and I’m a really awesome and dignified writer but to be honest with you I haven’t always been this amazing. In fact the reason I became a writer was because my literature teacher back in school wore really short skirts and every time I was naughty she put me over her bare laps and spanked me really hard with her sweet soft palms after all the other pupils had left. Consequently, I never missed an opportunity to be naughty and I failed every test to make sure I was her worst ever pupil and she would spank me harder for tarnishing her outstanding record as an English teacher. It was all going really well for us, we had such an amazing relationship, that she obviously didn’t know about. I even used to tell myself we were secret lovers, until one day I enjoyed it a little too much and after she was finished I moaned out the words “oh my Gaawwwd, that was so amazing”. I then gave her a soft peck on the cheek as I got off her laps and our lips touched a little bit as I got up. Just as she was about to express her rage and disgust, and as she furiously reached for the really painful cane that wasn’t exciting at all when it hit the buttocks, a full condom fell out of my shorts 🤯. Her jaws dropped, she nearly passed out from the potent mix of shock, fury, confusion, shame, reverse paedophilia and intense rage that would have been circulating inside her at the time. I wasn’t sorry at all, I was totally wasted (it was high school for God's sake, what did you expect - no one has told me what the High in High School means up till this day). I didn’t even stop to retrieve the full condom, I just left. I was due for my after-sex cigarette. To cut a long story short I had to read all the literature books and do all my outstanding homework to keep from getting expelled that year, while my classmates were out at summer camp competing to see who's fingering finger smelled strongest for longest and they weren't playing the guitar I assure you. That’s how I became a writer, that’s my story. Well, that’s the p*ssy part of my obligation covered. Let’s move on to the money part, then we’ll talk about Jesus a little bit. And then we’ll get to the news m-kay? I'll be quick, promise. 

Now, what I’m about to tell you next totally doesn’t apply to you and I. We both know how awesome we are deep down inside, but we leave it unspoken (obviously) so that people think we’re really down to earth and cool. I may still use the words “you” and “I” here and there but remember, it’s not us we’re talking about, it’s "them". Wait, wait, wait, not “THEM” them, you know those fabulous ladies and gents, oops!! I mean Thems and Thems, who don’t like to be identified by their penises and boobies and clitorises? You know who I’m talking about? Well, not them - other people, that’s what I meant to say. Basically anyone who’s not as awesome and cool as you and I. 

You know how people sometimes say crazy stuff like “ANYTHING can happen”? I know, crazy right? I mean,  ANYTHING? Really? Can a piano fall out of the sky right now? GTFOOH!! That’s what I tell people who say that sh*t to me now, it's f*cking ridiculous. In fact I keep away from people who say stuff like that. As far as I’m concerned they are either not yet woke or, more suspect than an overweight spinster buying a cucumber at the late night supermarket – they’re up to something fishy as far as I’m concerned. See what I did there? Fishy? He-he-he. Anyway, do you know there are people in the world that have never said that? And not because they are like you and I, who obviously never EVER fail, but because they plan EVERYTHING to the last detail, much like you and I do. Let’s dedicated this whole article to everyone else who is not like us and even help them get on track and create a bulletproof life plan so that when people ask them how life’s going or how their day is going they can say “exactly as I planned”, instead of weird annoying stuff like “so and so” or “same day different shit” or “we’re still alive” or whatever people with no plans say. But why am I sure they’ll say "exactly as I planned", you may ask? And I know you know the answer already but I’ll say it anyway (for the “them” we were talking about before, who may or may not know) – because that’s exactly my plan! Obviously. 

In case you haven’t guessed already, I’m known as the “Life Coach” guy here. Everyone else is choosing exciting descriptive titles to help them stand out in the news room since we are not allowed to use names or pen names for whatever reason so that’s how you can find my articles, search for the “Life Coach” guy. My articles are designed to get your life on track, so, to cut a long story short, if your life is perfect, then GTFOOH!! Just kidding, he-he-he, you’re most welcome to stay. 

To be honest with you I learned most of what I know from my colleague the “Ideas Guy”. He’s a freaking nerd but he has changed many lives here in the writers room. To be honest with you I was just an okay writer before I came here but I thought I was as good as I could ever get. Now, I'm so amazing you’d think my name was God if you stood outside my bedroom window on any morning, day or night of the week for 3 minutes or more – yep, I’m pretty darn awesome and ladies totally love me now. 

I never thought I could get rich from writing without even writing a book and a big movie script but the “Ideas Guy” totally opened my eyes to some new sh*t. When I first got here I thought he was a total d*ckhead and he needed to be more “woke” in the sense of the word that kids these days mean when they say “woke”. In other words, call things that are good “bad”, “your clothes are not brand new unless they’re torn and dirty”, “you’re not awesome unless you’ve got permanent marker all over your body”, and “you’re not doing it right if you don’t burp after eating ass (oops!! I meant tossing salad - let’s make it sound classy)” 😊. This place is riddled with them and they totally give me the heebie-jeebies to be honest. I literally cross over to the other side of the corridor and refrain from eye contact when I see them 😁, I think they are AI. 

Anyway, the “Ideas Guy”’s persistent inappropriate use of emojis is getting really annoying already, that's why I think he's such a d*ckhead. I think he should just stop using them until he knows what they mean. I was going out to pick up some munchies for lunch this afternoon so I offered to pick up some things for the nerds who were still sitting at their desks working away at lunch time. I took everyone’s orders and left then I received a really annoying text message from the “Ideas Guy” that really pissed me off. It was a single egg plant emoji . I was so annoyed because somehow I understood what he was trying to tell me – he’s a vegetarian. I was even more steamed that I actually understood that sh*t. Anyway, like I said before, he changed my life, so I can't really hate him. I can call him a total douche bag, but I totally love that f*cker. 

I'll tell you how it all happened. The “Ideas Guy” and I went out for drinks one day. He said it was a ritual of his, called "Day Drinking", where he goes out and gets drunk in broad day light on a day of the week, usually around the beginning, before Wednesday. It would usually end at night somehow but it starts around lunch time and he'd never actually get drunk. I got drunk within a few hours but he was perfectly fine. While I was drunk he got me to do one of his silly mental exercises (search for "the Ideas Guy" in the search bar above and the search bar on SRL Reviews to find his articles and the mental exercises I'm talking about). I had always thought they were stupid and I'd never fully understood them but I was totally wasted so I went along with it. When I woke up the morning after the first thing that flashed in my mind was a pretty ordinary hair brush in a shop window that cost $8,000,000.00 exactly. I didn’t see the name of the shop or anything else in the window but till this day I still see it every time I brush my hair and I want it really bad – in fact I’ve got to have it! 

Lemme tell you how it started. I said to him (in a really slurred voice, ‘cos we were drinking Jack Daniels): “hey man, I love you man”. “I would totally love to pay for all these grossly overpriced drinks but I’m totally broke”, and then for some reason I rested my head on his shoulder and put my arm around him. He responded disgustedly and pushed me away: “love me?! What the f*ck are you talking about? You just met me”. And I replied: “I know, that’s what makes it so special”. I continued: “I’m a really amazing writer but I’m soooo broke man”. He said to me, “broke? how much have you got?” I said to him, “nothing man, nothing at all, I'm totally skint man, I'm sh shh*t”. 

And then he asked me a question no one in the world had ever asked me and that I had never actually thought about prior. He said: "well, how much do you want to have?" I replied, puzzled, stuttering, confused: "I don't know? A lot?" He got so steamed, furious even and his reply was “f*ck you!”. 

All I remember from that moment was really blurry so forgive me if this is not really specific. He said “you’ve got a date with a toilet bowl in the morning so I’m gonna make this quick so you don't miss it”. He said “you say you’re broke, well how much money have you got, damn it? Gimme a number!” I said “I don’t know, maybe twenty? Fifty maybe. Not very much”. He said “well how the f*ck can you say you’re broke if you don’t even know how much you’ve f*cking got in your pockets right now? That’s absolutely insane, you’re not broke you’re f*cking insane. Lemme see your wallet.” I replied defensively in a really slurred voice, “wh--a--at??” He said “take out your f*cking wallet, put your money on the table so we can count it”. We counted it. It turned out I had more money than I thought I actually had - about one hundred and twenty seven pounds and eight four pence. The last thing I remember is counting backwards from one hundred to zero and the next morning all my money problems were gone. “The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers is now included at the beginning and end of every one of my Spotify playlists to make sure I never forget to do exactly that. You know that song that goes "You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table..." 

Anyway...

Phew!! That’s the dollars part of the article done, now let’s do the Jesus part and then we’ll get to the music news story. The Jesus part is so easy. It’s just an extension of the “dollars” part. 

When I woke up the morning after Day Drinking with the "Ideas Guy" all I saw was a really bright light. I thought I was dead but it was the “Ideas Guy” standing over me as I awoke in what was definitely not my bed. He had let me spend the night at his house, how thoughtful of him. The glorious sunshine from the nearby windows were reflecting off his humongous extra-thick glasses into my eyes and totally blinding me. He was holding a bucket and he ushered me to the bathroom. I threw up every step of the way. He had prepared the bathroom nicely for the “date with a toilet bowl” he had predicted the night before. It was warm and cosy, I’ve never thrown up so good in my life. I’ve also never drunk too much ever since. When I was done, he brought me a glass of ginger ale and he read me a passage from the Bible, the one about the Widow who had only 3 drops of oil left in a jar and as my eyes cleared I noticed my one hundred and twenty seven pounds and eight four pence spread out in front of me on a really glamorous dressing table. His last words to me as I looked at my reflection in the massive vanity mirror with all types of lights in front of me before he left for work were “how much money have you got?”. I replied in a dazed voice with conviction, as if I was proud of it, almost like a soldier: “one hundred and twenty seven pounds and eight four pence”. He continued: “and how much money do you want”. I replied again, still dazed yet determined but with a little fierceness to it, almost like The Godfather. I even squinted my eyes a little bit: “eight million dollars”. Then he said “well you’d better count your money again, and give thanks… ” And then he started to walk away as if to say his job was done. As he walked away he handed me a hair brush like the one that had flashed in my mind just before I woke up, saying “… and brush your hair, you look like sh*t.” 

I’ve had amazing hair and a fat bank account ever since. 

Phew!! Well, I believe I’ve fulfilled my obligations and we can now proceed to the music news story of the day. I hope you learned something from that little story. It doesn’t just apply to money, it applies to any and everything. In fact, just before I started writing this article I did a word count on every article ever written in the SRL writers room to find the longest – and I’m pretty sure I would have broken the record by the end of this article. You know how I know? Well of course you do, remember at the beginning I said I would help “them” get on track and create a bulletproof life plan? That’s exactly what I did here. I selected a goal at the start of the article. I got focused on the goal by keeping the goal in my mind and counting backwards from one hundred to one. And then I opened a blank sheet of paper (I use Microsoft word for drafts, so a blank page, he-he-he). And then I counted the words on it – there we zero obviously, and yet I gave thanks for it, and for Microsoft Word. I then proceeded to do a word count on the longest article ever written in the SRL writers room. In other words I established a starting point and a finish line, kind of like Google maps. The goal had no other option but to be achieved because prior to even beginning I’d told myself how awesome I was, like I do every day when I wake up and every night before I bury my face into the glorious bosom of my girlfriend and pass out in ecstasy till the following morning. I haven’t counted words or tried to make this article long so I can meet my goal. Whether I accomplish my goal or not hasn’t even crossed my mind at all until mentioning it now and even then, I feel absolutely nothing as I talk about it, in fact Dua Lipa would totally worship my expressionless face and eyes right now if she saw them. Now we have a starting point (blank sheet), a destination (longest article), and the final and most important part, the vehicle to get me from start to finish (I’m awesome). And hence, goal achieved, whether you like it or not - just wait and see, count it if you don't believe me. Works like magic every single time. But I’m sure you knew that already, you’re awesome too. Okay let’s do this music news thingy.

You’re gonna be really happy you waited for the music news story of the day because it’s really big. South Korean trio Love X Stereo is back on the scene with a brand new sound and they’re bigger than ever. First of all, if you’ve never heard about this independent band before shame on you. Okay that was a little harsh, but you probably should really come here a lot more often so you don’t miss amazing things like this that could change your life and raise your bar for good music so high that Snoop Dogg would totally pass out trying to reach it. Yep, South Korea’s top independent electronic rock music trio is nothing to play with when it comes to innovative sounds and musical ecstasy. If you've never had an eargasm before, they will totally take your virginity - but in a very gentle and caring way that won't hurt, I promise. And you won't even want it back after, like Madonna. In fact since they made their debut back in 2011 no other band has been able to follow them in a live performance line-up without sounding (and probably also feeling) shitty, and these guys have played almost literally every self-respecting music festival featuring electronic rock music in East Asia, the UK and even the USA. Pretty awesome for a band that is fully independent without a record label or any sort of big financial backers to buy their shiny leather jackets and bring them hookers and really good weed after a hard day’s work right? My favourite LXS record is “Buzzin”, their very first album, but I have so many favourites sometimes I just put all their albums on repeat and tell Spotify’s sh*tty algorithms to f*ck off forever. These guys are so awesome if AI tried to recreate them there’d be a lot of small explosions in whatever circuits are involved, and a lot of smoke, but not the good smoke. I’ve tried finding a band this good to follow their songs in my Spotify playlists but everything else sounds like crap after a Love X Stereo song. They were even featured in the famous mainstream music magazine, RollingStone’s May 2023 Top 10 Rising Artists To Watch list, so you know they’re a pretty huge deal. Okay I think you get how awesome they are now. If you’ve heard them before then you know my above statements haven’t even scraped the surface of how amazing they are, but what can I say? I tried (sigh!!).

Kicking off on the 20th of May, 2023, Love X Stereo (or LXS for short) began what can only be described as a full-fledged musical onslaught that could change the world’s music landscape forever for the better before AI gets here and destroys everything that is considered "real" including music. “Lucid Dreams” an exciting single featuring an exciting new South Korean music act by the name of Da1sy Doom was released to critical acclaim as is the case with every single one of their records. Arriving more than 15 months after their last record “All 3”, which was released back in January 2022, it’s their first official new release of 2023 and every critic and fan would gladly admit that it was well worth the wait. The track was quickly followed by the release of “@ttraction”, another even more spectacular song on the 27th of May, and then the latest “Miracle City” was released today, the 3rd of June, 2023. There is talk about a lot of other new records on the way. Look out for a full review of every single one of these songs on Skunk Radio Live Music Reviews in the near future. We are also expecting a good number of exciting local, national and possibly international upcoming concert dates, online gigs and other live appearances, which can be found on the Skunk Radio Live Events page once confirmed. There are also several exciting new music videos by the sensational Seoul duo streaming now on Skunk Radio Live TV so be sure to also check them out and share them with only your very best friends who you are sure deserve it.

Well, that’s about all from me for today. I hope our time together has been time well spent. Oops!! I mean, I KNOW our time together has been time well spent - because that’s the way I planned it out to be; and I know we will meet here again really soon. So, from me the ”Life Coach” guy and the amazing couchie monsters (oops!! I meant Millennials) and nerds here at the Skunk Radio Live writers room, have a wonderful day and a bulletproof life plan.

See you tomorrow. 

I was just kidding about the "couchie monsters" part obviously, I totally don’t call Millennials, Gen-zees and Hippies that, everyone’s doing it. I don’t want anyone knocking on my office door after this threatening to eat me, like that Little Red's grand mother in that scandalous children's story; that let the big bad wolf eat her - what a bad example for kids wouldn't you say? 

Anyway, toodles.

I hate dat bitch Alexa

CONCERT TICKETS/DATES

POP NEWS

01-05-2023 14:43 GMT

SAACHI SEN AT THE BIG LOVE MUSIC FESTIVAL 2023

Music industry update | London, UK | Indie artist, Saachi Sen

I hate that bitch Alexa. Every time I say something she’s always got something more exciting she wants me to do or something ridiculous that she thought I said; and totally throws me off, or puts me off what I was about to do. Does that bitch speak English at all? It’s like she doesn’t understand a word I’m saying. The other day I said “Good Lord Alexa, I’m so horny” and she said “calling your mommy”. The other time I said “call Antonio”, and that bitch had the nerve to tell me “no, you’re no Romeo”. Then I said “play my favourite song” and she said “searching for edible thongs”. She's crazy, I know she is – unless mine is broken, or is a repentant crackhead or prostitute or something. 

Anyway, today I asked what the weather was like and Alexa said “nope, I don't like that sweater - it's too bright”. I was so steamed I left with nothing but my laptop bag, the compact umbrella I keep in my laptop bag just in case it rains, and my laptop. It rained. It f*cking rained. It rained big time, definitely not compact umbrella rain. I got totally soaked, but don't worry my hair was still amazing - that's all that matters. Anyway I rushed into the office and took off my shirt so it could dry. I struggled to put the umbrella back in its case so I rested the bottom of the handle just above my thigh to make sliding the cover on easier. From behind it looked like I was putting on a condom. Picture it… Got it? Now the cover got stuck in the middle so I had to hold the base of the umbrella handle so I could pull the cover back up a little bit and then pull it back down really hard. I thrusted my hip forward really hard out of frustration to increase the force. Then all of a sudden my boss walked in. She was SHOCKED! It just so happened MTV had decided to play the video of Miley Cyrus twerking at the 2013 MTV Awards at that very moment. I totally didn't record it and put it on repeat every morning so I can get the day started right. She screamed out “Jesus CHRIST! It’s Monday morning for God’s sake, what the F* is wrong with you?” And then she stormed out furiously. I didn’t get a chance to explain that my shirt got wet and that I was just putting my umbrella back in the case - not whatever it looked like I was doing from behind. It’s gonna be really awkward the next time I see her. I’m sure she’ll never shake my hand again 😁. I wonder what she wanted.

I’d been listening to Kanye West again on my way to work. (Sigh!). Awkward things always happen when I listen to Kanye and I always feel horrible afterwards because I always promise myself the last time was the last. To be honest I only listen to Kanye to remind myself to be wary of really beautiful women. The wrong woman will totally take half of your money and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth forever. To cut a long story short right now I feel like I ate Kim Kardashian’s "pancake" and I can’t stop tasting Ray J. Do you feel the same way when you listen to rap nowadays sometimes or is it just me? 

I feel like I should have said “no disrespect” before I made that last comment, I totally meant no disrespect. In fact only the other day I was thinking how annoying those people are, who start a very awful and disrespectful comment with “no disrespect” – what a bunch of f*cking knuckleheads right? The other day one of my colleagues walked up to me while my other colleagues were congratulating me on the outstanding stats of one of my articles and said to me “no disrespect, but your articles are too long - I felt like I was totally getting blacked” and then he giggled and walked off. I know, WTF right? That’s like walking up to someone that annoys you with a gun and saying “I don’t mean any harm, but, here’s 9 bullets, an extendo clip and a 45”. I know – ouch right? 

To be honest with you I wasn’t planning to come to work this week at all, or even next week. I've been so busy living, the last thing I need is anyone stressing me out right now. But I had so many exciting things going on in my life I felt like I might explode if I didn’t tell someone. And I don't mean explode like the fun little explosions I made in my shorts every time my biology teacher turned around to write on the black board during sex education class back in school; or the slightly larger ones that happened in my shorts every Mondays and Wednesdays when the principal put me on her laps and spanked me thoroughly for being naughty (on purpose 😜) again. I'm talking about a real man explosion, like those ones orchestrated by that man in the cave whose name suspiciously rhymes with Obama in a way that is too much of a coincidence, but let's leave it there. So thanks for coming. I’m so happy you came here, when there’s probably like a million other places on the Wild Wild Web you could be right now.

We’ll get to the music news in a minute but let’s talk a little bit first. 

Oh and by the way, it’s me the “Ideas Guy” again. My articles have been getting so much attention online that I’m totally getting all the work in the news room these days. All this attention is a lot of pressure and very new for me but it totally beats being referred to as “the guy with the flat screen TV on his face”. I know my glasses are huge but that’s such a hurtful thing to say. I totally had a tear in my eye the first time I heard it and every single time after, but instead of getting steamed I used the fury to be the best writer I could possibly be every single time I entered the writers room and every one was laughing at me behind my back. I never hated them and now they all love me, albeit secretly, but I know they do, I can tell they're so happy to have me on their team. 

Now let’s get started. First of all, I’ve recently invested some of my new found wealth from all the attention and love online in a car wash business nearby. It’s just under the bridge at London Bridge. It’s called Dirty Diana. It’s got a big signboard with a picture of Marilyn Monroe in a red polka dot dress being sprayed with a hose while she tries to keep her dress from riding up by pinning it down to her tightly pressed together knees but her bloomers are still totally showing. She’s also making that face Nicki Minaj makes when she has one finger on her cheek and her eyes rolled backwards looking like she was trying to remember where she left her dildos and a lot of other dirty thoughts from their previous usages flooded her mind. And I mean her hand on her face cheek, not the one I suspect Jesus really meant when he said "turn the other cheek" 😁. To drum up business I’ve been going to all the local parks at launch time to feed the pigeons laxatives and KFC 😊. I KNOW – what a bright idea right? Of course it is, I’m the “Ideas Guy” remember? I later realised pedestrians too were gonna also get shitted and vomited on by the pigeons so I’m now on the market for a 1-hour dry cleaning business to purchase nearby. If you know any near London Bridge please write in the comments section or head down to Dirty Diana where we may or may not have some hidden dirty little treats for you (wink, wink, wink). With all this new pigeon money racing in, I think I'm totally gonna be a millionaire by the time the summer gets here. I'm so excited, woo-hoo! 

But enough about me, how’s your day been? What’ve you been up to? Done anything exciting yet? Sure you have, drop me a line in the comments section, I’d love to hear it.

With all this new money coming in, and all the love and appreciation I feel every time you come here, I’ve decided to do something very special for you today. I’m going to give you a gift. And no, I’m not going to send you an emoji gift, like in those silly emails you’ve probably received saying “Someone bought you a drink on Fubar”. A real gift, something tangible. I know you’re gonna love it but I don’t know what it is yet and I don’t know how I’m going to get it to you, since I don’t have your address. But I promise you that by the end of this article I’ll have a gift for you and you will receive it immediately. 

Today’s music news story is about London's most exciting indie pop artist, Saachi Sen. We’ll get to that in a minute but first there’s something really important I want to talk to you about. Here it goes.

I was feeding pigeons earlier this afternoon while listening to my favorite song “Cum on Everybody” by Eminem when I wrote this article in my head but I didn't finish it, that's why I know there is a gift but I don't know what it is yet. It’s really exciting and I promise you, by the end of it you’re gonna be more excited than Dracula on Kim Kardashian’s period (I know, so much blood right? SMH. That lovely lady must have like 20 billion eggs, with all the basketball players she’s attracting). And just for the record, I’ve stopped playing basketball. To be honest I’m now really suspicious of many of my old friends who I played with, who were always so enthusiastic about trying to get the ball from me from behind. I thought I had somehow miraculously gotten really good at protecting the ball because they never got it – but with all the basketball players coming out of the closet now, I’m starting to think they never wanted it at all. I’m really furious and I’ve been having nightmares about playing basketball with Shaq in the rain in the dark in that same compromising defence position – he never gets the ball, he just whispers sweet trash talk in my ears from behind in that deep Barry White voice of his, and I wake up feeling really violated and almost sore even. 

But where were we? Ah yes. Oh wait, since we’re on the subject, did you know Shaq invented the Selfie? This is an extension of my lady colleague’s hilarious Shaq elephant joke (read the full article here if you’re interested, it’s so funny - it opens in a new page, don't worry, so you can easily close it and come back here). Shaq was rubbing his magic lamp one day and about to blow his load on the ceiling when someone rushed in unexpectedly. He quickly turned his back, replaced his lamp hand with his phone and said “cheese”. The flash wasn’t on but there was a big white flash (splash) on the ceiling during the picture - it literally blew the roof off, he-he-he. That reminds me so much of one of the first dirty jokes I ever heard back in high school – about the man whose penis was so big that when he came he went 😊. Till this day it’s one of the funniest dirty jokes I’ve heard. Know any good ones? Write them in the comments section.

Okay, let’s continue. We’re going to talk about Aladdin. While listening to “Cum on Everybody” by Eminem, it totally hit me. That cartoon was the most sickest, twisted thing I watched as a kid WITH my parents and family and it totally corrupted me, but I didn’t know it till I was fully grown, today. A whole movie about a naughty teenage horn dog who rubbed his lamp WAY TOO often until one day he blew his load and a full sized man popped out and started doing magic. I know, disgusting right? And that’s what we’re discussing today - what makes your magic happen? Everyone’s got a special something they do that makes amazing things happen in their lives but many people don’t know what it is. Like that guy in Alibaba and the Forty Thieves who yells out “Sesame Seeds!”, or "Sesame Street" or whatever he says, he-he-he; and a door to a secret passage opens. Or like the people screaming at the Wall of Jericho in the Bible to make it fall down. What opens your magic door? What makes your Wall of Jericho fall down? To be honest with you I’m not going to tell you. I’m not one of those guys. You know those guys who see a rich or successful person and runs up to them, kisses every one of their toes metaphorically and says weird stuff like “how’d you become so successful?” and “how’d you know when you had made it?”. F*ck no. First of all I know they’re not going to tell me, that’s just giving yet another human being another amazing opportunity to lie to me and begging for it even. No one in their right mind will tell you why they are successful, so stop dreaming. When I meet rich people I just ask them for money like a normal human being, I don’t give a f*ck what made them successful, I know they’ll lie immediately or tell me a parable, like Jesus. Instead of looking for successful people, I do the opposite. I look for people who are totally f*cked and say to them, “Good Lord! How’d you get so F*cked UP?” And they’re always quick to tell you everything they did – I listen to every word and then make sure I don’t ever do it. One step away from failure is another step towards success wouldn’t you say? Baby steps I tell you, baby steps.. Remember the silly comment about Kanye and Kim and Ray J I made at the beginning? I wasn’t poking fun at anybody. In fact I’m sorry I said it. I too have loved a woman so much I wanted nothing more than to put my willy in her face till she looked like Donald Duck and couldn’t pronounce the word “hot” anymore and instead said “hawt”. She totally broke my heart too but I don’t break easily. I went down to Soho with my friend Jack and before long we met a girl called Cinabun who smelled like cocoa butter, baby powder and money. Her booty was so big and round it made my eyes water like an onion. We did so many new things I couldn’t look myself in the eye for days after. I almost married her before I realized that wasn’t her real name and she had no intentions of going to college at all with all the money I was giving her. That’s it, that’s the end of the story. See? Easy peezy. 

Now where were we? Ah yes. Let’s find your magic lamp shall we? You know how people always say “it’s always in the last place you’d look” when they’d lost something and found it? Well, let’s do that. Let's look somewhere you'd never look. Let’s look inside your head – it’s in there, I promise. In fact I’ve seen it, and don’t ask me how. As usual we’ll do a little exercise; and then we’ll get to the news story. Oh wait, I’ll give you the gift I promised you first, and then we'll go to the news.

Okay let’s do it. This one is really quick and easy. Close your eyes and count from 1 to 8. Now, do it backwards, from 8 to 1. Now, add this up: 1234 + 5678… Got it yet? How about now? Okay take your time, I’ll wait… … …

What number have you got? Write it in the comments section so the whole world knows how smart you are. Now we’re going to do the opposite as well: 5678 – 1234 … subtract that…. Got it yet? How about now? Okay take your time, I’ll wait… …. …. Now hold the result of the subtraction in your head until it crystalizes into a really bright exciting white neon sign with a square border that's got slightly rounded edges. 

The result of the first calculation is 6912 and the second is 4444. These are really important numbers in numerology. The first, 6912, to cut a long story short, means divine guidance. A state of mind in which the tangible material things of the world no longer move one, but rather, with enough practice one eventually becomes able draw or repel them as required with very little effort, just faith. If you don’t like this number you can reject it and rebuke it by reassuring yourself that your boss pays your bills. If you like it you can think to yourself “my supply comes directly from God". You can replace the word God with "the universe", or "the angels", or "above", or "love", or any other similar word  of your choice - any word except "me", because if you don't know the true meaning of "ME", it could be prove to be the dirtiest and most dangerous word in the world to you if used improperly; as you'll come to realize as you discover more about your magic lamp in the future if you haven't discovered already. The second number, 4444, to cut a long story short means, leads to, results in, or stems from "love" most of the time in its most basic interpretation. It represents stability, order, conscientiousness and determination. If you ever wondered what Jay-z’s 4:44 album meant, it probably wasn’t time – it was this: love and wholeness. (Remember I told you successful people never tell). It means your connection with the divine guidance that the first number we explored 6912 is really strong and as a result good times and good things are coming your way really fast. So buckle up. 

Now think about it, why did you come here today? What were you doing? What were you thinking? Who told you to come here? Were you divinely guided here so that you could receive this awesome gift I’m about to give you? I think you were. So here it is, it’s a magic wand with the 4444 neon sign you created in your imagination while you were calculating earlier on right at the tip of it. I know I said it was tangible, but remember 6912 is a state of mind where the tangible things of the world no longer move a person. Who needs a fancy physical magic stick, when you’re not 50 Cent or some gay fairy waving it around arrogantly with one hand on hip so everyone can see how awesome you are and try to steal it when you’re sleeping or f*cking. F*ck that! This one is better, it’s in your head where nobody can get it. You can use it to open any door of your choice at any given moment – just think love, ONLY love. It’s magic, I promise. Try it now and see. Wave it at the most annoying person you know right now like those placards people carry during protests. And see how amazing you feel as the resentment and awful feelings you once felt float away and open the way for the blessings you had unknowingly been blocking to flood in. Did you know that most Walls of Jericho are built predominantly on resentment and hatred? Yep, now you know. Every time you hate someone or something you are reinforcing your Wall of Jericho, the notorious wall that is blocking your blessings. So stop it, and #JustLove, only love. Okay? Promise? Remember to keep your magic wand in mind everywhere you go so no one can ever make you rebuild your Wall of Jericho, it’s very important. And remember, the neon sign on your magic wand says 4444, not LOVE. It means love only in its most fundamental interpretation. To get an idea of what it looks like, draw it on a piece of paper. Write four 4s right next to each other. Connect the horizontal parts of the 4s in the middle with a horizonal line. Now join the vertical stems protruding from the bottom of each 4 with a horizontal line at the bottom. That’s the neon sign at the top. Now put a vertical line in the middle of the bottom horizontal line. That’s the stick. There you have it – your magic stick. Oops!! I mean magic wand. If you’ve drawn it right it should look like those old TV antennas that used to be placed on the roofs of houses before cable and Netflix. Why do you think it looks like that? What do antennas do? Attract, receive, detect and send signals right? Almost like a magnet wouldn’t you say? Aha!! Remember Magneto? Of course you do. If you don’t know Magneto you’d better rush to my previous post by clicking here to find out (don't worry it opens in a new window so you can easily close it and come back here once you've finished reading it). Are you starting to get an idea of what Magneto is about?

Okay that’s it for today's exercise. You totally get it, I can tell. We’ll talk more about it next time.

Now, I know I said I only had one gift but I lied, I’ve got two. This one is tangible and you may or may not like it but I feel like I must give it to you, I can't help myself - it’s a hickey. In the spirit of love, I’m sending you one right now. It’s totally innocent, I promise. It should appear in a minute or so. You don’t have to explain it to anybody. Just tell them “it’s all love” and they’ll totally understand. So here it goes: “MMMMMMMMWAH!!” Check your neck in like 5 minutes and you’ll see it. Unfortunately you won’t see it if you’re a guy, you're black or you're Indian, or you come from anywhere where skin tanning and anal bleaching are free, and there are live farm animals roaming the streets freely yet somehow people still go hungry for many many years. I totally never understood that (I’d totally steal one if it was me, and convince myself it’s a blessing from God). I’d never given money to charity before until someone explained it to me. Every time I saw one of those ads with the babies with the really big stomachs I convinced myself that their bellies were really full so I didn’t have to give away my hard earned money. Now that I know how hard it is to catch a chicken, I totally understand it would be absolutely impossible to catch a real live goat on an empty stomach (🤦‍♂️, "SMH"). Since we’ve talked about them, I hope you give some money to charity today to empower your magic wand. I just did it now while ordering my "Kim Kardashian Blow Up Doll With Newly Reconditioned Vagina And Butt Hole" on Amazon. Don’t ask m-kay, don’t get all up in my business. PS: I’m totally not obsessed with Kim Kardash, I promise. Now, let’s do the news thingy.

She’s been hailed as London’s most exciting indie pop star, and singer songwriter Saachi Sen, who performs solo as well as as the lead singer of the band Saachi, is held close to the hearts of so many UK music lovers. With songs like “Heal”, her debut single; “Facebook Stalker” and “Fairy Lights”, she sang her way into the hearts of many unsuspecting music fans locally and nationally, and even caught the attention of music industry insiders far and wide. She has gone on to enjoy a very successful independent music career, played every self-respecting music venue in London and the South East, and blazed the stage at some of the UK’s biggest music festivals. With so many critically acclaimed records under her belt and so many big achievements achieved single-handedly, there’s no doubt that she’ll be a thrill to watch on the big stage, and that day draws closer with every passing moment. 

This week Saachi announced that she’ll be playing at the prestigious Big Love Festival in South Wales. The annual 3 day summer music festival takes place from the 14th to 16th of July this year. With at least 5 stages, and some of the UK’s top music acts including The Skints, Nubiyan Twist, Subgiant, CVC, Mad Apple Circus, Midnight Zu, Johnny Cage & The Voodgroove, Funke And The Two Tone Baby, BRWYMS, Luke RV, Minas, Mr Phormula, Guilty By Association, Ms Faithee, Tara Bandito, Cerys Hafana, SZWE, Hemes, Badly Withdrawn Boyo, DJ Marky, DJ Yoda, A.Skillz, DJ Moneyshot, Madame Electrifie, Not So Junior Jungle, Bang’n’Mash, MR Kimber, Dull Boy Roy, Sausage Finger, Nutzo, Marcus Allen & MC NRG, Bloxon, Nick Terrific, Marc Heatley, DJ Neil Diamond, Jimanoli, Oisin, Natty Lou, Katalyst B2B Ranson, Double A Side, Tank Howls, Lindz, Monaghan, The Orb, Gene On Earth, Marc Parsons, Matt Owen, Lee Graves, Clare James, Ellis Davies, Aled Wynne Alex Taylor, Dave Llewellyn, Paul Blandford, Shaun Edwards, Luke Tainton, TYWI – Jmes Wilkinson, Knoll Beach, Rumple & Kye, Jack Darwin, Lewis James, Dan Knight, Corey & Deena, Hywel – Ellist, Bodhi, Kaptin Barratt, Neil F***ing Young, YMSP (Yo Momma So Phat), DJ Jaffa, Disco Concierge, Paul Lyons, DJ Lady Casita, DJ Comfort, Mikee Snooze, Dealo Brown, Max Galactic, T-Dowg Gazillionaire, Dave Grooveslave, Tom Auton & Bottlebreakers, Banshi, Jack Ellis & Band, Mojo Jnr, SWYN, True Foxes, Fathom, Ecklectic Mick, Tomos Lewis, Blue Evolution, Scruffy Monkey, DJ Mr Mase, Loafus, Vella, Zed Regal, Kaysha Louvan, AFBOB, Bryony Sier, AKA Mr B, Ennio Maccaroni, Dave Morris, To Bear Sir, Abbie Jebbers, Alex Davies, Daisymae Music, Dan Holland, Jess Marie and The Regiments, just to name a few; with comedy, spoken word and an award-winning circus performance, it’s definitely one to look out for. As usual you can get your tickets now on the Skunk Radio Live Events page where you can also find other exciting upcoming Saachi Sen concert tickets and dates. Just select "Events" from the main menu at the top of this page. 

Saachi Sen’s latest single “The Gap” was released on the 19th of August last year. It was her most successful record to date and it has opened a lot of new doors for her and her new band. It was also her first single under her new moniker Saachisen (i.e. without the space). The record quickly reached over 100,000 streams on Spotify and the numbers have been climbing quicker and quicker every day since. If you haven’t heard the record I don’t know what to say to you, except maybe “what the hell have you been listening to on Spotify that those nosy, stalking algorithms didn’t recommend it to you at some point?” and “I hope it hasn’t been too hot under that rock where you’ve been living”, he-he-he, just kidding. 

Saachi has announced that she’ll be releasing two new singles with a headline show at the popular live music venue Star Of Kings in Kings Cross, London on the 24th of May. I hope you won’t miss that too. Mark your calendar now m-kay? Again, tickets and venue information are available on the Skunk Radio Live Events page, so grab one now while you can. And don’t worry your rock will still be there when you get back, he-he-he, JK. Stream the music video of the new single “The Gap” in the YouTube player below or alternatively head over to SRLTV by selecting "Music Videos" from the main menu at the top of this page. You’ll also find other exciting music videos, behind the scenes clips, interviews, concert footage and more by Saachi. Once you are done, you can also head over to SRL Music by selecting "Music" from the main menu at the top of this page. In that section of the site you’ll be able to find all Saachi’s songs and albums, listen to them directly on Spotify without leaving the site AND find links to listen on other music streaming and download platforms.

Okay I really need to wee now, I didn’t want to say anything before but I’ve been holding it and I can’t anymore. 

Remember to keep the gift I gave you really close at all times. Make sure you protect it and never show it to anybody or tell anybody about it. 

Have a wonderful day. See you tomorrow, or whenever we meet again. I don’t go to work everyday anymore. I tried it once and I got so exhausted – do people actually do that? Yuk, yuk, yuk – NEVER!

Alright bye. Love you!

Born again (Jesus really wanted you to see this)

CONCERT TICKETS/DATES

HIP HOP NEWS

19-04-2023 23:25 GMT

BLCK TPE TOUR 2023

Music industry update | Mississippi, USA | Indie artist, Coolidge

I’ve never listened to music on Spotify – but I’ve got premium. Why do I have it then, you may ask? To be honest, I don’t know. Just in case, I guess. But in case what? I don’t know okay? I just have it. I listen to music on cassette or CD like a normal human being. I need something physical so I can show my appreciation or dissatisfaction physically like everything else that is real in the world. For example, if it's good I may rewind it and play it again, or if it's bad I may hit the stop button really hard, or even crush the CD or cassette with my bare hands. Or if it's really bad I may sh*t on it and send it back to the record label it came from; the options are so many. With Spotify there are not many options, not even a stop button or a dislike button. Ridiculous! I don't like that at all. 

Let's move on...

When I love someone or they’ve been really helpful, I pull them really close and plant a big wet one on them. By wet I mean I’ve always got a Chapstick and my lips are always really moist and soft - but I'm not gay, I promise. When people offend me I do exactly the same thing, but with no Chapstick. I’m not allowed to get angry or displeased anymore, that’s so immature. But allowed by who? 

Think about it for a second…

Think deeper…

Really think about what I’m saying to you, I want to make sure we’re on the same page before we get into this music news story today. 

Oh I forgot to introduce myself first. Oh wait, I can’t. We’re not allowed to use our names or pen names in here anymore. I call my pen something really dirty so you’re actually lucky I don’t have to tell you what it is. It rhymes with pot hole 😀. I gave it that name because people always told me I was sh*t when I first started writing and I never wanted to forget so that I would never stop trying to be awesome. I'm pretty awesome now. If you can't tell right now you will by the end of this exciting music news article we're about to get into. 

Since we can’t use our names in the writers room, we identify ourselves by describing each others' writing styles or what we mostly write about. If you’ve been here before you probably already know that. If you haven’t been here before, buckle the f* up. This is nothing like any of the fancy music blogs, online music magazines, or music news websites you’ve ever been to and it probably never will because unlike those nasty music junk yards promoting trash music and talking shite, we’re really awesome here and we don’t GAF.  Anyway, I’m the “Ideas Guy”. If you’ve been here before then you probably remember me from my last article when we attempted to create a brain cell. If you were unsuccessful on your first try don’t be ashamed, it takes practice. It’s really hard, in fact some people go their whole lives without ever mastering the art or even realising it exists. Read the previous article here. It opens in a new window so you can bookmark it and come back here if you don’t want to read it now.

Now, I’m never going to ever give you homework but it’s my job to reduce the ever-growing number of shallow thinkers in this new amazing TikTok world we live in today. I’ve got nothing against TikTok but I’ll never use it. Let’s move on quick, I’m feeling yukky already just talking about it – that sh*t gives me the heebie-jeebies. I've never seen so many people not in the same place giggling at the same time, so scary. 

There’s a new guy in the office, he’s called the “Imagination Guy”. He’s going to help me with today's task. While my job is to stimulate your brain and enlighten your mind, his job is to stimulate your imagination. Wait, you know your brain and your mind are two intertwined but very separate things right? I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt - you knew, you’re awesome, let's move on. We may talk about it later but not today. I work closely with the “Imagination Guy” because our jobs are very closely related, but I don’t think he's like me at all. In fact he's nothing like me and you'd never find us hanging out together. Remember I said earlier that I couldn’t hate anymore? Well, I totally don’t hate him. I think he might be a little gay, his jeans are too tight, he swings his buttocks too wide when he walks, smiles too much, uses the word "amazing" too often, eats too many lollipops, wears way too many low neck t-shirts even in the winter, says my name in a really annoying way, smacks his lips and kisses his teeth too much when he talks, wears too much cologne, has too many tattoos, giggles too much, is always WAY too happy, types too slowly and glamorously - like he’s sending a letter to Paris Hilton and the keyboard is really sticky or he's just had his nails done, plays with his luxurious hair too frequently, and twirls his chewing gum WAY too much; but all in all I think he’s a pretty decent guy and I’ve got nothing but love for him – and yes, I show it with a kiss too every time I see him. He totally hates that. So here he is now to tell you about the imagination part of today's task, and then once he’s done I’ll come back to you.

This is a collaborative, cloud-based writing room so he’s going to start typing soon – hopefully he hasn’t just got his nails done and he’ll be quick, he-he-he. Okay here he comes, see you soon. 

Hey you guys, how’s everything going? Hope you’re having an awesome day, if you aren’t you will be after this little exercise. 

As the "Ideas Guy" just told you, I’m the “Imagination Guy”, and we’re going to, well, imagine some things right now to stimulate your imagination in preparation for the task he has for you today. And by the way, none of what he said about me is true – I’m not gay at all, I’ve never twirled chewing gum and I don’t smack my lips together like I’m eating something really sweet but sour when I talk; I think it’s all in his imagination. Did you know the imagination sometimes does that? Paint a picture of your surroundings based on how you feel and your convictions about the people and the world around you? What? You didn’t know? Haven’t you ever had too much to drink and then everyone around you started to look really sexy? Yep, that’s your imagination at work, in conjunction with other parts of your mind as well, but playing a pretty significant part. I think the "Ideas Guy" saw me wearing ripped skinny jeans one time back in summer and totally created a picture of me that he now sees every time he sees me, without even knowing it. I had ordered those jeans online and didn't know they were that tight. And I only wore them to work because it was laundry day and I had nothing else to wear. I've never worn them again. Hopefully by the end of this short exercise he will be able to see the real me, and you too will learn to see the world around you exactly as it is whenever you choose to. Don’t worry, seeing it only the way you want to see it is fine too, in fact it’s just as important, but you must understand that there is a difference between what you are looking at and what you see. 

The “Ideas Guy” is a total nerd. His inappropriate use of emojis and internet acronyms makes me so furious sometimes but I totally understand what he’s trying to say most of the time because I speak fluent Internet. His glasses are also too big and when he is pleased he gives an actual real world thumbs up and holds it up for way too long - so uncool. He sent me a string of emojis when I said we were about to start the exercise. I think he was trying to say he was pleased. This is what he sent: “👌🙏“. In his nerd world he probably thought he was telling me "perfect, thank you" but what he was really saying was "anal sex please". I know, what a nerd right? Disgusting! 

Okay so let’s start. Now most people will not understand the purpose of this exercise and I’m not going to explain it because that’s what the "Ideas Guy" asked me to do. So sorry. Here it goes.

Close your eyes. Take one deep breath and keep breathing in. Don’t stop… keep going (I hope you’re not a smoker, he-he-he)… keep going, keep breathing in, don’t stop until you can’t inhale any further. Now just keep the air in there and let it circulate in your brain and in your body. Once you feel like you need more oxygen you can breathe out - but not fast, really slowly. Now, when you feel like you’ve finished exhaling, don’t stop. Keep pushing the air out... keep going... keep going. Don’t stop until you feel like you can’t push any further. Now release and breathe normally. Don’t open your eyes yet. This will take as many seconds, minutes or hours as you want it to take, and if you do it right you’ll never be the same again – in a good way, I promise.

Imagine you’re on a battlefield. It’s vast, massive. The ground is very level. There are bullets flying EVERYWHERE. It’s completely dark. Everywhere is absolutely silent, like when you’re watching porn. There are soldiers and tanks EVERYWHERE but you can’t see much but the tracer bullets. Now, imagine you are a tree, the only tree on the battlefield – and you can’t move AT ALL (obviously). You can’t block anything, you can’t protect yourself, you can’t turn your head to look behind you, you can’t duck. Now feel and breathe deep, and watch the bullets fly all around you. Remember, I didn’t say anything about getting hit, all I said was you can’t move. Now, hold that thought and make sure you don’t get hit. I know it sounds hard but remember this is all happening in your own imagination – you can NEVER get hit, unless you imagine getting hit. So don’t. Just feel awesome and untouchable even though you can’t move. Sometime during the course of your holding the thought there will be a silent explosion, not a very big one, but you’ll know when it happens - it will feel like magic. Once the magic has happened stay there as long as you like and try to think of another word for infinite. Stop when you’ve chosen one. When you open your eyes take a really deep breath like the one we did at the start but release whenever you like and really get centred. That’s the first half of the exercise complete. 

Here's the final part of the exercise. This part is the good part, I promise. Now close your eyes again. Same scenario. Bullets flying everywhere, you can’t move. You initially thought you were screwed but then I reminded you you couldn’t get hit because it was your own imagination, your own creation and hence all you had to do was not think about getting hit. So far so good right? Now, this is the good part. Remember I said you were a tree right? So in reality you really couldn’t have been seeing any of what was going on, what you had been doing in your imagination while imagining was actually imagining seeing. You were totally being awesome there and you didn’t even know it – you were imagining that you were imagining. I bet you feel really awesome, deep and creative right now don’t you? Well you’re about to get more awesome. Now, remember, you’re are a tree and you can’t see; but imagine you suddenly imagined recognising one of the bullets and thinking you had seen it pass by before. Then you thought to yourself how impossible it was to be able to recognise one out of the hundreds of thousands passing you every second. You remain focused and continue to feel awesome and untouchable. All you’re thinking about is not thinking about getting hit and not letting it even cross your mind. Now maintain that focus for another minute or two. You suddenly see another bullet that you know you've seen before, and then another and another; and then you suddenly realise, it’s the same bullets that have been terrorizing you over and over again. They’ve been missing you and circling back to their origin before returning again, not randomly but in an orderly and almost predictable manner. They’ve been going back to the soldiers that shot them, missing them too and coming back at you again. Something strange then happened. One of the bullets circled back but it never returned to you. You saw something like fireworks when it reached its origin and then it disappeared. What happened there, you thought? And you got a hunch: “that soldier just got hit by his own bullet". That’s strange, you thought to yourself, but you stayed focused. After another minute, you suddenly realise that the massive burl that you thought was just a burl in the middle of your trunk is not actually a burl - it’s an eye, yes, just one eye. Remember, you couldn't see all this while, you were just imagining seeing. So you open it quickly, you’re so excited and relieved to be able to actually see, you’re ecstatic. But what you see is totally different from what you were imagining you were seeing. The soldiers were not actually fighting each other, they weren’t even angry at each other at all. They weren’t even soldiers, and there was no war. You were a luxurious apple tree in the middle of a meadow where little kids were playing with boomerangs and yo-yos on a bright Sunday afternoon. The sky was blue and the breeze was cool. It was beautiful with sun flowers and roses everywhere. It smelt amazing. You then opened your eyes in your imagination to end the second imagination you were imagining. 

This is where you open your eyes in real life. 

That was exciting wasn’t it? 

That’s it! My work here is done. I hope you enjoyed it. Back to the “Ideas Guy”.

...

Welcome back.

That was pretty deep wasn’t it? Would you like to know what just happened?

Of course you do.

But think about it for a while and try to figure out why there were two scenarios…

Write in the comments section if you figure out what those two scenarios meant before reading on so the whole world knows how smart you are.

I’ll explain it briefly because I know you’re getting impatient. Remember early in the article when the “Imagination Guy” said people see things differently from what they are sometimes? That’s exactly what that was. The first scenario is how at least 50% of teenagers start to see the real world after they turn 18 and realize they can’t just suck their moms’ breasts when they are hungry anymore and they have to actually get jobs and do something meaningful with their lives. They start to see and feel like it’s a battlefield after a few failed job interviews, some bad relationships and real world scenarios in general, which, to the untrained eye may seem very unfair and unnecessarily uneasy - at least not as easy as just latching onto your mom's boobies for milk like the good old days. Sadly, 50% of those 50% may see it like that for longer than others. The other half will open their eyes and realise what they are actually looking at. Not a real battlefield at all – but a very simple and fair Karma game (hence the boomerangs and yo-yos). Everything you give is coming back to you. If you don't give your all then you will not get all the good things that are coming to you. If you feel like you've got nothing to give then just give love. Give love and you will receive love. See love and you will receive love. Love everything and you will receive everything and more things to love. Hate everything and you will receive nothing but more things to hate. 

You’ve just been born again...

 And you didn’t even get wet. I’m not Jesus so I didn’t need to dip you in any water or even touch you. I’m just the humble “Ideas Guy”. Didn’t I tell you were gonna love this? Told you! Well let’s get back to the task of the day and then we can get to the music news story you and I are both here for. Don’t worry it’s well worth the wait, I promise.

This week’s task is very simple. I want you to pay attention to your metaphorical Yo-yo and your metaphorical Boomerang. The yo-yo symbolizes love and the boomerang symbolizes hate. Pay close attention to your boomerang and make sure you’re not playing with it at all. And no – not even when you order a Frappuccino and they give you a Cappuccino EVERY SINGLE TIME, or when you’re approaching the finish line only to find out your boyfriend had already finished the race when he made a sudden jerking motion like he had just been struck by lightning and is ready to hit the showers. Or when you run out of breast milk and your baby starts looking at other women's breasts. Or when you are desperately awaiting pay day and it falls on a Saturday. Or when your lady friend told you she was on her period but you later discovered she was wearing white panties. 

That’s all for now.

Okay let’s do this music news thingy, you’ve been patient enough. You've been so amazing. In fact here’s a browser cookie – enjoy! He-he-he.

After years of single-handedly conquering and dominating his local and regional underground music scenes, big things are happening and Jackson, Mississippi’s very own Drevo Coolidge has just announced dates for a 2023 US tour commencing on the 29th of April and running up until the 23rd of July. The Blck Tpe Tour, named after his critically acclaimed 6 track February 2023 EP, will be kicking off in Memphis, Tennessee and passing through Atlanta, Georgia; Seattle, Washington; Las Vegas, Nevada; Los Angeles, California; and Miami, Florida; before coming to an end in Dayton, Ohio. Tickets and dates are available on the Skunk Radio Live Events page. Listen to “Blck Tpe” below or stream it on Apple Music, YouTube Music and all popular music streaming and download platforms; as well as selected independent and underground music promotion platforms. Alternatively, just head over to SRL Music by selecting "Music" from the main menu at the top of this page and you can listen to it there and find links to listen on all popular music streaming services where it is available. Happy listening. 

Have a wonderful day, and see you tomorrow. Remember to wake up and be happy, you’re born again now.

Explicit.

Where it begins

INTERVIEWS

R&B NEWS

28-03-2023 14:12 GMT

WHERE IT BEGINS

Music industry update | Arizona, USA | Indie artist, Marco Richh

I think I might have just gotten fired, I’m not sure but something really awkward just happened and it ended with a really awkward silence and me slowly backing away from the conversion while making eye contact and then slowly closing the door. So just in case, I’m writing my letter of resignation in case someone tries to fire me – that way I can resign before they get a chance to taint my outstanding resume. 

How does this sound? 

Dear News Room Team, 

F*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you. You ass holes! You bastards have got some nerve. I hope the espresso machine breaks down and you have to drink Starbucks for weeks. I should have shitted in your coffees the first time you called me a nerd and laughed at my big glasses and cheap work shoes when I was just an intern - and I worked in McDonald’s for 3 good years, so you know I’m really good at that. I’ll stir it up real nice and add extra cream - you’ll never know. Now, I am hereby handing you my two weeks’ notice, it will arrive in 3 minutes. Skeet Skeet Skeet m*ther f*ckers. That’s how I sealed the envelope, which you’ve now unsealed. Sticky wasn't it? 

PS: I’ve totally messed with all your browser histories and you’ll never be able to clear them. Not even the overzealous tech guys will be able to help you. Just don’t try to show anyone your Google ANALytics data on your computers from now on. You’ll have a healthy selection of really creepy butt hole related suggestions in the address bar once you are half way through typing the address. I’m sure you are wondering why I just totally gave it away. It’s because there’s more. You’ll all need new browsers, say goodbye to ShittyFox, or FireFuck, or whatever you call that good for nothing slow piece of crap that needs an update every two days. I’m also changing all your passwords and cutting holes in the mouth and crotch of all your life-sized Miley Cyrus cardboard cut-outs and posters. Why the f*ck do you have so many anyway? You're obsessed!  

 

Yours sincerely, 

Smell My

How’s that? What do you think? 

Is it too harsh? Or does it need more RAGE!! I’ve got more, trust me – I’ll be really furious if I get fired, I just bought a brand new Ferrari. Okay I didn't, it's a rental with New Car Scent air freshener. Plus I’ve been nothing but awesome, AWESOME you hear? In fact the other day I saw someone trying to drive home after one of our crazy Monday night office parties and I totally took her back to my place so she wouldn’t drive drunk. See how nice I am? There are so many other examples. 

And I’m sure you would like to know why I think I’m getting fired right? I’ll tell you. 

My boss called me into her office early this morning. I was having an awesome day, just minding my own business. She asked me to sit, that she needed help with something really important. She couldn’t figure out whether to pay the mortgage on her holiday house or her holiday apartment. The first thing I thought when that information met my ears was “I’m asking for a pay rise IMMEDIATELY”. I can’t even pay my own rent sometimes, and this b*tch’s got TWO holiday homes?!!! I’ve never even been on holiday!! I was FURIOUS! But then I said: “Well why don’t you just get rid of the apartment and keep the house if you can’t afford them both? Why do you need 2 holiday homes anyway?” 

She screamed back: “It’s in case I need a f* holiday while I’m on holiday you f* idiot, I do more work on holiday than you’ll ever do your entire life!!”. “And, and what do you mean get rid of it? It’s an investment – do you know how much I’m gonna sell it for in a few years? Of course you don’t, you know nothing about the real world, you probably pay ALL your bills on time and then invest what's left don’t you? Sissy boy!!”. "Wait, do you even invest? Have you EVER invested? Why am I talking to you? Jesus Christ, I'm surrounded by morons! MORONS!" And then she laughed, but in a really sinister way, as if I wasn't even there anymore, and she went back to what she was writing before I came in. As she laughed I responded in a really soft voice, I was getting scared: “Em, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Pay your bills first?”. And she responded in disgust, she couldn't believe I was serious and I could tell she had concluded that she had wasted so much time talking to an idiot. “OMG!”, “You’re absolutely insane aren’t you?”, “Next thing I know you’ll be telling me to pay my bills monthly by Direct Debit, so people can take money out of my pockets without asking”. When she noticed me about to nod in agreement, she got steamed. She pointed her finger at the door with an expressionless face to let me know she was beyond mad at me. “Get out… GET OUT!! And don’t ever come back here”. It was so awkward, I’ve never been kicked out of anywhere before. To be honest I was more than a little bit scared at that point, so I got up and started to leave really fast, but continued to make eye contact, then I slowed down when I reached the door and started to feel safer. I haven’t seen her all day but I know it’s going to be really uncomfortable. At least I’ve got my resignation letter ready just in case. Please write in the comments section to let me know if it’s good or what I should change. 

Okay let’s get right down to the music news story of the day – this may be my last day here at the SRL News room so I’ll make this brief and then I’ll go and start doing those things I said I had already done in the resignation letter. 

He's the most exciting and most talented new R&B music producer and songwriter to emerge from Arizona, USA this decade, and Marco Richh, who is just as talented behind the scenes as he is on stage is a fast-rising artist whose hits have been praised by some of the most discerning R&B music critics and fans in the world. With hit singles like "Strokin", "High School Lover" and "Have Your Heart", he sang his way into the hearts of local fans and put his name on the map as one of the Southwest region's next big names in R&B when he made his debut a few years back. More recently, with hit singles like "Party", and "Pink Room" his latest, he has made it clear that he's beyond ready for the big stage. This week, he sat down with host CeCe of the popular indie magazine Where It Begins and discussed his career so far, upcoming projects and future plans. The interview is available to stream and download on Spotify, Anchor.fm, Apple Music, YouTube and selected major podcast streaming platforms, as well as selected outlets for independent music. But don't go anywhere, the full interview is available to stream in the Spotify music player below for your convenience.

I feel like I should tell you a little more about Marco to make sure you never forget, and you watch closely as he rises to the top one high note at a time, like you hardly see on MTV anymore. Oh wait, did I mention that this awesome, amazing singer actually, well, SINGS? Well, now you know. 

Okay here's Marco's Soundcloud bio so you don't have to go anywhere to find out more: Learn it, and love it! Also, you'll find a link to his Skunk Radio Live profile at the end of this article. 

"Marco Richh is professionally and formally known as Reggie B and Sanger Boy. Since the susceptible age of five years old, music has been Marco's passion. Beginning with playing a Fisher Price piano at age six, his father saw his raw talent and quickly signed him up for music lessons. Marco would eventually learn how to play the guitar, saxophone and the drums. The beginning of his musical ingenuity began here. During junior high school, Marco would be the first to finish his class assignments; with the reward of performing for his classmates. His teachers would brag about the rising star. After creating some buzz, they started book him to perform in other classrooms. Shortly after his junior high school success, at 15 years old Marco Richh was given a taste of the limelight. He performed for a local radio station in Columbus, Georgia. Foxy 105 Jamz Talent Showcase would be the first of many stages that Marco Richh would light up. His musical background and edification now spans over 19 years. Since the start of Marco's international professional musical career in 2006, he has been featured on BET, Rowdy TV (Dallas Austin’s Profile Website), and Nappy Boy Online. In January of 2010, he performed at the City of Miami Gardens (Florida) 6th Annual Martin Luther King Festival for over five thousand fans. He was 1st place winner in the Foxie 105 Hip Hop Summit. With musical influences such as Lena Horne, Ella Fitzgerald, and Ryan Leslie, Marco Richh is evolving into a rock star in his own right. Marco’s originality, vocal dynamics and creativity reflect those of his musical influences. Catering to the broken hearted with soulful tracks that inspire and music that will make anyone have a feel-good time is how Marco Richh aims to climb to number one on the Billboard Charts. Marco is currently working on his debut album. His desire is to work with chart-topping artists such as T-Pain (Nappy Boy), Ryan Leslie, Kayne West, Lil Wayne, Common, Keri Hilson and Pink. Marco is a bursting ball of energy ready to rock the world. Don’t let the opportunity of his presence pass you by. The Marco Richh experience will leave you captivated, mesmerized and wanting more. "