How to Turn Water to Wine - Part 2

MUSIC FESTIVALS

HIP HOP NEWS

26-03-2024 14:58 GMT

PERFECT TIMING

Music industry update | Mississippi, USA | Indie artist, Coolidge

The title of this article is “How to Turn Water to Wine, Part 2”. Look in the browser address bar and you’ll see. The second title just above, inside the page relates to the music news story we’ll be exploring today, during the course of this article. This is the case with most articles on SRL News and SRL Reviews. If that’s confusing, then this article may be too complex for you, please don’t read it or your head may explode. 

My girlfriend’s boyfriend is so annoying. He’s always doing weird stuff like texting in the middle of the night to say silly things like “I miss you” and “wish you were here with me”. What a douche! Doesn’t he work?

Anyway, last night as I was writing this article, the long awaited follow-up to my previous article “How to Turn Water to Wine – Part 1”; he texted while she was fast asleep. And yes, you guessed right, I had just waved my enormous magic wand on her (wink, wink). I hate to brag but I knocked her f*cking socks off like it was her birthday - or Jesus's birthday for that matter. She went straight to sleep right after the "baby shower" (wink, wink) without saying a word - she didn’t even wipe it off or take a bath or anything. I was amazing! 

But anyway, where were we? Ah, yes; her stupid boyfriend. He texted in the middle of the night while I was writing, so I texted him back pretending to be her and said “I’m on my period”. He replied, “OMG [excited face emoji], I’m on the way”. I know, what a sicko right? Not the response I was expecting obviously, so I panicked. I quickly texted back: “no, don’t come”. He replied: “you know I love it when you tell me not to cum [cheeky smiley face emoji]”. I replied: “I’m serious, I won’t open the door”. He replied, “I’ve got a key remember? Anyway I’m already downstairs”. Next thing, there was a knock on the door. And to tell you what a douchebag he is, he literally says “knock, knock” when he knocks on a door. To cut a long story short, here’s a knock, knock joke I knew you’d enjoy: 

“Knock, knock!!”

“Who’s there?”

“It’s Me”

“Me who?”

“Yes Me, Gǔn kāi (F*ck off)!!!! Dǎkāi mén (Open the door)!!!!”

Did I mention he’s Chinese? He-he-he. Yep, His name is literally Me Hu, I don’t know how you spell it in Chinese, but that’s his name. I’m not racist, I promise; but to be honest with you I don’t know if he’s Chinese, Japanese, or Vietnamese - I really don't know how to tell the difference. Every time we get together, all we do is drink saké and eat really spicy food till my butt hole starts cooking. I always forget not to eat too much of it,  everything tastes so amazing after too many sakés.

Okay let’s get to the serious stuff now, “How to Turn Water to Wine – Part 2”; and then we’ll get to the music news story of the day. 

A quick reminder, the title inside this page, just above the photo is the news story we’ll be discussing; and the title in the address bar is the actual title of this article which the news story is inside. Again, as I mentioned in the previous article; if that seems complicated to you, you are not ready for this. Close it and look around. Start in the mirror, and notice how there is two of everything – and everything has two parts. 2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 nostrils, 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 brains – (😕) I know what you are thinking, you thought it was just one ey? See why I told you you weren’t ready for this article if you were confused about the titles? Well now you know. Yes, they seem to be fused into one, because you’ve got only one head (I hope?🤣); but those two halves do very different things; so different in fact, that I like to consider them as two separate entities. It gives me more clarity and it makes me feel really special as well. In this article we’ll be making use of both brains, so buckle up because I may say something really intelligent that you’ve never heard before sometimes; and then not explain it. If you don’t understand anything, it’s because, you, like most people, use only one of your brains most of the time – I like to use both, so one doesn’t get tired or feel left out. If I say something you don't understand, don't panic, just rest assured that your other brain understands completely and will reveal the meaning to you when you are more likely to understand.  If you are wondering why I instructed you to drink 6 extra glasses of water everyday later on in this article, well now you know - your head could severely overheat and stuff could get damaged - It feels amazing to know the future doesn't it? Don't get too excited yet, it could start to feel a little weird soon. I'm telling you the future right now so that you can think backwards to now. That's how we're going to approach this whole experiment, thinking backwards, from the wine to the water. Remember when you looked in the mirror a few minutes ago? Did you realise that the mirror was also looking into you? So in fact you weren't really looking at yourself but into yourself? Now, you be the water and assume the mirror is the wine. There is an old African saying that goes: "Water no get enemy". It's pidgin English which translates to "Water has no enemies". Throughout the course of this experiment, you must be water. Water doesn't give a f*ck who's drinking it, if it's being drunk well, if it's being treated well, if you love it, if you hate it, if you stole it, if you peed it onto somebody after drinking it, if you were drinking it from somebody's peepee, if you pee in swimming pools and at the beach, if you are a wicked person, if you are kind, if you killed a man, if you eat way too much ass or even if you worship the devil. You must be exactly like that - completely and utterly indifferent, not just to the deeds of all mankind but to any and everything you encounter in the world around you right now. General amnesty towards yourself and everyone in the entire universe is the first key that will unlock the door to success in this little project of ours. Yes, you must forgive yourself too. There are many times when you haven't been awesome and you haven't lived up to your expectations or achieved your goals; and you MUST forgive yourself right now. In fact, stop reading and say it. SAY IT DAMN IT! "I forgive me". This is really important. Now also say: "I forgive them". Now say: "I am free". And then lastly: "Everybody is free". You must do this very regularly, because let's face it, now that you know how important general amnesty is in achieving your goals, there'll probably be an asshole with a cheeky smile on their face waiting to test you every corner you turn. If you can't be water, forget about the wine. Now, close your eyes. What do you see? And don't say nothing, surely you must see something. And don't say black, that's crazy talk. Okay what if I asked you in a different way: "What are you looking at?"... I see this is getting nowhere so I'm gonna get my colleague "The Imagination Guy" in here to help you answer that question a little bit later, probably in the next instalment of this series - it is another key to achieving our goal. Oh snap! I just realised I didn't introduce myself, in case you are new here. I'm "The Ideas Guy", probably the most exciting guy you'll ever meet, but whatever. Thanks for coming, the pleasure is all yours. 

Okay let’s dive in. I’m assuming you’ve already got your empty bottle of wine, right? If you haven’t, get one. Now, you’ll need 6 small wine glasses. Line them up side by side on a table or in a cabinet you never use, the bottle first and then the glasses. Make sure it’s somewhere no one else will see them, because they’ll start asking weird questions. Fill the glasses with water and leave the bottle empty. Now let's name them to make it more fun. Start from the right to the left, going backwards from the last glass to the bottle. Name them 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and then the bottle, 9. Now shut the door and go away. Lock it if you have a key. 

Take a very deep breath. Now hold it. Keep holding it. Keep pulling in, even when you feel there’s nothing left to stretch. Keep going. Keep going. I hope you are not a smoker. Keep going. Now stop! If you are not sure you did it right, look for a mirror and turn to the side. You should look like an 18 year old hottie with really perky breasts, and you may also be making really wide crazy eyes like Nicky Minaj or even making a duck face like Kim Kardashian, but don’t worry, that’s normal. But wait, don’t exhale. Hold all that awesome oxygen in your body so it can circulate in your two awesome brains. Now breath out. Keep going. Keep going. Don’t stop yet. Keep going even when you feel like your lungs are totally empty. Keep going. If you are a smoker, you are probably already smelling things you smoked way before you were a teenager. Keep going. Okay stop. If you are not sure you have done it right, go back to the mirror again and look. You’ll look like Tom when Jerry has gone too far and he’s about to go and retaliate by doing something really sinister to him. You’re ready. 

In the next article we’ll get started. In the meantime, do this breathing exercise every day, many times a day so that your two brains are primed and ready to go when it’s time. You must also drink at least 6 small glasses of water every day until we meet here again okay? Not the ones you filled earlier on, obviously. Don’t touch those, leave them alone. Don’t even check on them or even look at them – leave them alone. And remember, don’t show anybody or tell anybody about them either, not even your best friend. Don’t worry, you can tell Jesus – he’s cool. In fact, to be honest with you, I’d be surprised if he didn’t ask you about them in a dream. You must say this and only this in response to his question: “Everything is exactly as it should be, thank you”. Don’t ask how I know what he’ll ask you, just memorise the answer 'kay? Just in case. Lastly, but most importantly, you’ll be required to perform a very simple yet 100% impossible task to the average human being before the next time we meet. Go down to your local high street and buy yourself one black sheet of A4 paper and a white pinpoint pen. You must not ask anybody for help finding it, walk down the street and into stores and search for it yourself. Don’t tell anyone what you are looking for, even if they offer their help. And don’t try to be a wise guy about it either – don’t buy a white sheet and paint it black; or don’t buy Tippex or a marker or crayon and call it a pen. The task is very possible - it is there and you will find it if you believe it is somewhere in a shop on your local high street, yet sadly, 99.9% of people will fail this task, so don’t beat yourself up about it. All that’s important is that you try really hard to find it and believe it is there somewhere – you must KNOW that someone, somewhere has them on their shelves, and is just waiting for you to come in and get them. Don’t tell anyone about this task either, just do it. Good luck with it. 

Now, let’s explore the music news story of the day. 

”Perfect Timing”, the new single by Jackson, Mississippi, US independent hip hop sensation Drevo Coolidge was announced just in time to premiere at this year’s SXSW music and arts festival which has taken place during the month of March in Austin, Texas, USA every year since 1987. Showcasing some of the world’s most exciting and new musicians, bands and producers; and bringing together fans and music industry professionals under one roof for a whopping 6 days for the purpose of exploration, discussion, discovery, networking and celebration of music, film and other media interests; it has become one of the most exciting events of its kind in recent times. This year, it commenced on the 11th of March and featured more than 200 acts from around the world including 250 (Seoul, South Korea), The Sully Band (San Diego, CA), Dumb Buoys Fishing Club (London, UK-England), NeOne Wonderer (Wolverhampton UK-England), Jon Muq (Austin, TX), YHWH Nailgun (New York, NY), LAIR (Jatiwangi, Indonesia), This Is Lorelei (New York, NY), Robby Hecht (Nashville, TN), Sam Williams (Paris, TN), Jack Barksdale (Fort Worth, TX), Laura Misch (London, UK-ENGLAND), Native Harrow (Brighton, UK-England), Jaimee Harris (Nashville, TN), Rodeo Boys (Lansing, MI), Delights (Manchester UK-England), Seafoam Walls (Miami, FL), Fust (Durham, NC), Elisapie (Salluit, Canada), Malugi (Berlin, Germany), Daydream Twins (Austin, TX), JFDR (Reykjavík, Iceland), Benjamin Walker (Chile, Mexico), poolblood (Toronto, Canada), SNACKTIME (Philadelphia, PA), HMS Morris (Cardiff, UK-Wales), Mia June (Perth, Australia), Styrofoam Winos (Nashville, TN), GRÓA (Reykjavik, Iceland), rEDOLENT (Edinburgh UK-Scotland), Vulva Voce (Manchester, UK-England), DICE (Perth, Australia), May Rio (Brooklyn, NY), Danny Bonilla (Dallas, TX), Chelsea Carmichael (London, UK-England), Venus Twins (Brooklyn, NY), BLK JKS (Johannesburg, South Africa), Night Lunch (Montreal, Canada), Laney Tripp (New Smyrna Beach, CA), The Psychotic Monks (Saint-Ouen, France), Certainly So (Nashville, TN), Mick Flannery (Cork, Ireland), Chalk (Belfast, UK-N. Ireland), Sofia Kourtesis (Berlin, Germany), Alexander Biggs (Melbourne, Australia), Sui Zhen (Melbourne, Australia), Jeannel (Berlin, Germany), The Rare Occasions (Los Angeles, CA), NOBRO (Montreal, Canada), Lindsay Beaver & Brad Stivers (Austin, TX), Ho99o9 (Newark, NJ), The XCERTS (Aberdeen, UK-Scotland), Iona Zajac (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Meagre Martin (Berlin, Germany), HIEN (Budapest, Hungary), Los Cogelones (Mexico, Mexico), Ellie Bleach (London, UK-England), dust (Newcastle, Australian), San Gabriel (Austin, TX), Afternoon Bike Ride (Montreal, Canada), The Manatees (Southampton, UK-England), Omni (Atlanta, GA), Grandbrothers (Berlin, Germany), Caleb Landry Jones (Garland, TX), Axel Flóvent (Reykjavik, Iceland), Emma Aibara (Yokohama, Japan), Gruff Rhys (Cardiff, UK-Wales), Kali Claire (London UK-England), Sinkane (Brooklyn, NY), Glasser (New York, NY), Fat Dog (London, UK-Englan), Blue Lake (Copenhagen, Denmark), Bloomsday (Brooklyn, NY), twst (Barry, UK-Wales), Zheani (Brisbane, Australia), Lisa Morales (Austin, TX), Jon Vinyl (Toronto, Canada), HighSchool (Melbourne, Australia), Holly Macve (Brighton, UK-England), Jad Fair and the Placebos (Manor, TX), Bess Atwell (Brighton, UK-England), Tamera (London, UK-England), TRACY DE SA (Sevres, France), CURRLS (Brighton, UK-England), The Ayoub Sisters (London, UK-England), Buffalo Nichols (Milwaukee, WI), Dead Tooth (Brooklyn, NY), HALLEY (Waseda, Japan), Talia Goddess (Brooklyn, NY), Dream Nails (London, UK-England), Yb. (Brisbane, Australia), Wyldest (London, UK-England), IFE (New Orleans, LA), MØAA (Seattle, WA), Ken Yates (London, Canada), Water Damage (Austin, TX), RUBIO (Mexico City, Mexico), China Bears (Bridgwater, UK-England), Zoon (Winnipeg, Canada), ZÓRA (Budapest, Hungary), Madam Radar (Austin, TX), Miranda del Sol (New York, NY), Telehealth (Seattle, WA), Kroi (Tokyo, Japan), Tokyo Syoki Syodo (Shimokitazawa, Japan), Stuck in the Sound (Paris, France), Sofi Paez (Berlin, Germany), Bleach Lab (London, UK-England), San Saba County (Austin, TX), FAZI 法兹 (Xi’an, China), Kikuo (Tokyo, Japan), William The Conqueror (Newquay, UK-England), Alex Nicol (Montreal, Canada), Fantasy Of A Broken Heart (Brooklyn, NY), Chiaki Mayumura (Setagya, Japan), TFD (Total F*cking Darkness) (Vancouver, Canada), Soda Blonde (Dublin, Ireland), Presence (Camarillo, CA), Skateland (Austin, TX), Neon Waltz (John O’groats, UK-Scotland), Anna Vaverková (Prague, Czechia), Bad Bad Hats (Minneapolis, MN), Cha’keeta B (Austin, TX), zouz (Montréal, Canada), Friedberg (Berlin, Germany), Etta Bond (London, UK-England), JÁNA (Stockholm, Sweden), CLT DRP (Brighton, UK-England), Mama Terra (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Pylon Reenactment Society (Athens, GA), Rory James (Edinburgh, UK-Scotland), Jazz re:freshed DJs (London, UK-England), Eleni Drake (London, UK-England), Harvest Thieves (Austin, TX), Hinako Omori (London, UK-England), Bee Bee Sea (Castel Goffredo, Italy), The HawtThorns (Nashville, TN), Emily Frembgen (Brooklyn, NY), Nagasaki Swim (Rotterdam, Netherlands), VLURE (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Laura-Mary Carter (Brighton, UK-ENGLAND), L E M F R E C K (Newport, UK-Wales), Iris Jean (Alkmaar, Netherlands), Conchur White (Portadown, UK-N. Ireland), Lauren Housley & The Northern Cowboys (Sheffield, UK-England), The Tiarras (Austin, TX), Enola Gay (Belfast UK-N. Ireland), Plastic Palms (Turin, Italy), Lottery Winners (Leigh, UK-England), O. (London, UK-England), The View (Dundee, UK-Scotland), Texas String Assembly (Austin, TX), Earth Tongue (Wellington, New Zealand), THUS LOVE (Brattleboro, VT), beccs (Warehan, MA), Gavin James (Dublin, Ireland), PVA (London, UK-England), Dirt Buyer (Brooklyn, NY), maxime. (Montreal, Canada), SPRINTS (Dublin, Ireland), Another Sky (London, UK-England), testpress (Glasgow, UK-Scotland), Pelvis Wrestley (Austin, TX), Library Card (Rotterdam, Netherlands), Äyanna (London, UK-England), Ralphie Choo (Madrid, Spain), Yogetsu Akasaka (Tokyo, Japan), TENGGER (Seoul, South Korea), Arches (Hong Kong, Hong Kong), Chxrry22 (Toronto, Canada), Jack Harris (Cleveland, OH), PAPISA (São Paulo, Brazil), Minas (Cardiff, UK-Wales), néomí (Den Haag, Netherlands), Anna Smyrk (Melbourne, Australia), Softee (Moorhead, MN), Justin Webb (Nashville, TN), Hooks & The Huckleberries (Albuquerque, NM), Lauren Lakis (Austin, TX), Teenage Sequence (Fort Worth, TX), The Vices (Groningen, Netherlands), BROTHER DEGE (Lafayette, LA), Miranda and the Beat (Brooklyn, NY), Forest Claudette (Melbourne, Australia), Jeshi (London, UK-England), Askew (London, UK-England), YU-KA (Tokyo, Japan), Logan Halstead (Powell County, KY), Humour (Glasgow UK-Scotland), Dasom Baek (Seoul, South Korea), Tufan Derince (Diyarbakir, Turkey), DOMICO (Tokyo, Japan), HYPNOSIS THERAPY (Seoul, South Korea), Rainbow Girls (Bodega, CA), JM Stevens (Austin, TX), Elle Shimada (Melbourne Australia), Emily Barker (Perth, Australia), Swallow the Rat (Auckland, New Zealand), South Summit (Perth, Australia), Field Guide (Winnipeg, Canada), Discovery Zone (New York, NY), Akira Galaxy (Los Angeles, CA), Camidoh (Accra, Ghana), JADA (London, UK-England), Glixen (Phoenix, AZ), Pink Pablo (San Juan, Puerto Rico), Selfish Sons (Brisbane, Australia), Boy With Apple (Gothenburg Sweden), Do Nothing (Nottingham UK-England), Moody Bank$ (Austin, TX), Good Looks (Austin, TX), Izo FitzRoy (London, UK-England), OSKA (Vienna, Austria), Sycco (Brisbane, Australia), Perennial (Amherst, MA), Logan Crosby (Milledgeville, GA), She’s In Parties (Colchester, UK-England), Being Dead (Austin, TX), Juani Mustard (Viña Del Mar, Chile), Dobrawa Czocher (Warsaw, Poland), Population II (Montreal, Canada), Vera Sola (Los Angeles, CA), The Howdies (Athens, GA), Carla Geneve (Perth, Australia), Planet Giza (Montreal, Canada), Hour (Philadelphia, PA), Amis du Teche (Breaux Bridge, LA), Folk Bitch Trio (Melbourne, Australia), Ako（a子） (Himeji City, Japan), Redbud (Austin, TX), The Beatbox Collective (London, UK-England), Yo Diablo (Valencia, Spain), Angelo Moore and the Brand New Step (Austin, TX), Natalie Jane Hill (Asheville, NC), Hause Plants (Lisbon, Portugal), Gurriers (Dublin, Ireland), Sultan Stevenson (London, UK-England), Chartreuse (The Black Country, UK-England), JUANPALITOSCHINOS (Mexico City, Mexico), FONTINE (Winnipeg, Canada), Divorce (Nottingham, UK-England), Chief Cleopatra (Austin, TX) and Larry Seaman (Austin, TX). 

After delivering 2 show-stopping performances last year, Drevo was invited back again. At 12 PM, 4 PM and 8 PM at Austin’s Club Teller, he blew the roof off with 3 sensational live performances hosted by Hustle Streetz Music Group. The new track, "Perfect Timing", which was released to critical acclaim on the last day of the festival (16th of March, 2024), is still making its way through music distribution channels and will be available to stream on SRL Music once officially released. Meanwhile, Drevo’s previous hit single “MILL” continues to break barriers and open doors to new career opportunities and fan bases for the rising Mississippi star, who has dominated his local underground and independent music scenes for several years now. “MILL” is available to stream on SRL Music, and the official music video is available to watch on SRLTV – just select “Music” or “Music Videos” from the main website menu at the top of this page. More Coolidge news soon.

Have a wonderful day.

Explicit.

How to Turn Water to Wine - Part 1

NEW MUSIC

ALTERNATIVE ROCK NEWS

09-01-2024 23:36 GMT

UNTIL THE LAST LEAF FALLS

Music industry update | Illinois, USA | Indie band, Elliott Waits For No One

The real title of this article is “How to Turn Water to Wine - Part 1”. Shhh! Don't tell anybody. Look in the browser address bar and you’ll see it. The second title just above the photo inside the page relates to the music news story we’ll be exploring today during the course of this article, while turning water to wine. If that’s confusing, this article may be too complex for you, please don’t read it if you haven't noticed that there are two parts to everything around you and each has a beginning and an end, a future and a past, a front and a back, a left and a right, a top and a bottom, and inside and an outside, and so on and so forth. 

I had a dream last night. It was weird and felt really real. I felt really positive and refreshed, almost accomplished even, yet ever so awkward when I woke up. It was almost like that recurring one where I have really passionate, hot, steamy sex that ends before the actual sex, with my high school sweetheart - the one that got away; but even realer. I met Jesus and we were talking casually for a really long time. But all he said to me was, “ALWAYS wear your best underwear”. I looked at the crucifix on the white gold rosary that I wear every day and noticed, as if for the first time that what he was wearing looked very much like a diaper and was certainly not his best underwear. I thought that was what he was talking about, so I nodded, and chuckled a bit like a total idiot. That wasn't what he was talking about. As I was waking up, he slapped me softly but really firmly and said, “don’t think you idiot! FEEL!!”. To cut a long story short, I’m wearing my brand new Calvin Klein microfibre briefs today, the ones I keep for when I KNOW I’m getting lucky for sure, that sits right beside my double ribbed extra-thin condoms, my pink feather, my edible thong, handcuffs, lime green mankini, Kim Kardashian poster, KY Jelly, Vaseline and my Stud 100 in my night stand. If you’re wondering why I’ve got KY Jelly AND Vaseline, we’ve got a HUGE problem, and you won’t make it to the end of this article unless we thrash it out right here right now... But let’s not thrash it out, let’s just keep going. 

It took me several months to write this article because I knew you’d be here. Yes YOU, quit looking around silly, YOU. You and I were meant to meet. Right here, right now and we’re doing it; so just let go and let God do his thing, mkay? Quit asking all these questions and just read. Everything you need to know is right here, and by the end of this article, you’ll be really happy, I promise you. Just relax. Okay, let’s go. 

How to turn water to wine… 

Oh snap! I forgot to introduce myself. It’s me, the “Ideas Guy”; but I’m sure you knew that already. If you didn’t, I’m sure you were hoping it was me. You might have read some of my other articles and thought they were awesome but this one is better than awesome, so buckle up. I’ve been writing and rewriting it in my head for several months so you can bet your last dime it’s gonna be deep. In fact, by the end of it you’ll feel like you jumped into a black hole and came out of Kim Kardashian’s butt hole in reverse (get it?). I’m know, awesome right? Anyway, thanks for cumming, it’s a pleasure to have you again. I’m so excited to have you here. No, really. In fact if I get any more excited I might accidentally sh*t myself, and I’m wearing my good trousers today. Not that I would do it if I wasn’t wearing my best pants, or under any circumstance at all – I’m just saying, you make me feel so special every time you come to my little playground. Or wait, should I say my vast mine field? Yep, I think I should say that. If you’ve been here before you’ll know why I’m saying that. It’s because at various points during the course of anything I write, you are liable to have your mind blown to shreds. But you won’t stop there, you won’t get hurt either; you’ll get up and keep running through the mine field in ecstasy, looking for the next explosion like a sick, twisted, deranged soldier on PCP. If you haven’t been here before you’d better buckle up, seriously. You won’t be able to unread any of this stuff you are about to read so please leave and come back later with a bottle of Jack and an empty wine bottle – the Jack for me obviously and the empty bottle for you, which is going to be filled with wine at some point in the future. Don’t laugh, this is serious stuff. 

Let’s get right down to it shall we? And don’t worry, we’ll get to the music news story of the day eventually mkay? It’s gonna be HUGE! So consider this your preparation for it. 

I was about to kiss my girlfriend good morning today when I suddenly realized the sneaky bitch had gone and gotten a landing strip thingy while I was asleep or sometime during the time that passed since I kissed it good morning the day before like I do every morning, to say thank you for some of the best after sex cigarettes I’ve ever had. And no, I don’t vape, sorry to disappoint you. In fact I stay away from anything that is not what it is. Like lactose-free milk, non-alcoholic beer, that "I can’t believe it’s not butter" thingy, fat-free anything that normally has fat in it, and; okay I’m sure you know what I mean. I mean for God’s sake, what if I got you a Gucci bag for you birthday and told you it wasn’t Gucci? Or I bought you a car and told you it didn’t drive. I know, totally insane right? Don’t worry, we’re going somewhere with all this, I promise. Oh snap! I forgot to introduce myself, silly me. It’s me again, the “Ideas Guy”. If you’ve been here before you probably already knew because of all the awesome stuff you’ve been reading, I know. I’ve totally been getting all the work around here and it doesn’t look like anything is gonna change anytime soon. At this rate, I’m hoping none of the old guys in HR has a heart attack when I ask for my next pay rise 😊 – yes! It’s gonna be huge! And I don’t ask – I DEMAND that sh*t like it’s mine and I’m taking it back. But where were we? Ah yes, the landing strip. At first I saw it and thought nothing of it, but then as I got closer to kiss it I started to feel (and see) like I was about to kiss Hitler on the lips, and he wasn’t moving his face away. I went in for the kiss and pulled back several times, until eventually, I totally lost it and screamed out “NEVER!”, and got the hell out of there. To cut a long story short, I was the first in the office today and I wasn’t even planning to come in at all. Glad I came though, ‘cos you’re here; AND there’s a new receptionist wearing a really short skirt so I’ve been calling her into my office to help me fax stuff to myself and dropping my pencils on purpose so she can moon me. In a very innocent SFW way obviously, I’m not a perv, I promise 😊.

So anyway I’m here being awesome once again and like I said before, we’re going to talk about how to turn water to wine. Believe it or not, somehow, by the end of this article I GUARANTEE YOU, we’re both gonna be drinking wine and we’re not buying it from a store like all those other suckers. We’ll make that sh*t from water, just like Jesus did. And most importantly, we won’t tell anybody else how to do it mkay? This it top secret. I’m trusting you, don’t screw up. 

Unfortunately there is a catch. The catch is that I won’t actually give you the exact steps. I’ll say things, and you’ll figure it out by yourself because you are so intelligent. I’ll tell you a few parables here and there, mention a few ingredients here and there, and eventually, you WILL figure out how to do it by yourself. I’ve already mentioned a few of them. “Only wear your best underwear (always prepare for the best outcome – in my case, getting lucky 😊)”; “Don’t think! FEEL!! (always feel like you are at your best)”, the Gucci bag that wasn’t Gucci (the most important of all – being Gucci or NOT Gucci doesn’t change what it is – A BAG); demanding my pay rise like it’s mine and I’m taking it back (ask nicely and you may receive – demand it like it’s yours and you WILL receive); having both KY Jelly AND Vaseline (it’s because the jelly must run out eventually - every beginning has an end that is just as important as itself); and oh, did you notice I introduced myself twice? Aha! And I may even do it again. It’s weird, but there’s a reason (the same reason Christians say “Jesus is Lord” all the time, when they’ve already said it many times, and will do so many more times in the future).

I’ve been told my articles are too long too many times this year already and this is my first one this year, so rather than make this one full-length article, let’s spread it out over a few news stories okay?

Don’t worry they’ll all follow each other in the news column and they’ll all link back to each other so you can find them easily. 

Now, let’s explore the news story of the day shall we? 

“Until the Last Leaf Falls” the new single by Illinois, US alternative rock band Elliott Waits For No One was released to critical acclaim just in time to usher in 2024. It follows just over 2 months since their previous release, “Time Loop”, which, like most of their releases was hailed for its authenticity and originality. Critics have had nothing but good things to say about it. We’ll also be reviewing it on SRL Reviews in the coming weeks. It is available to stream and download on Spotify, Apple Music and all top digital music streaming platforms. 

So there you have it, another exciting indie music story to get you through the day. See you again next time.  And don’t forget to "always wear your best underwear" in 2024. Happy New Year! 

MIRACLE!

NEW MUSIC

ELECTRONIC ROCK NEWS

03-06-2023 17:37 GMT

MIRACLE!

Music industry update | Seoul, South Korea | Indie band, Love X Stereo

I walked in on my girlfriend’s daughter twerking in her underpants with no shirt on this morning and I didn’t look away. She was making a TikTok video. Everything around went blurred and all I could hear was “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hun”, that annoying Nicki Minaj song where she eats that poor banana really slowly in the music video; as my jaw dropped, eyes opened wide and neck protruded in really slow motion. It was so disgusting I couldn’t look away, like Miley Cyrus twerking at the MTV Awards with absolutely nothing jiggling or shaking, but worse. I let her finish, then we made a really awkward eye contact and I left. We later met at the kitchen table while I was eating my legendary Fruit Loops–Skittles–Jack Daniels mix breakfast, that I only eat when I need to get really pumped up for work. And she asked me: “why didn’t you look away?”, as if she was concerned that I might be creepy or something. I screamed back at her: “Bitch! That was the most disgusting thing I’ve never seen, get your little freaky ass up on the changing table so I can change that freaking diaper, it reeks! You’re f*cking up my cereal, get out of here, go”. I’ve been having flashbacks all day, it’s really f*cking with my head. She was wearing a thong over her diaper and she was doing that move where one hand is on the floor and, well, you know the rest. I’m really thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend more seriously now. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks but I’ve seen so many things already. The other day I woke up in the morning and walked into the bathroom casually to make my morning poopoo and there was a fully naked construction worker shaving his pubes in front of the vanity mirror. I quickly closed the door and screamed out to her, “hey babe, I didn’t know we were having any work done in the house, why’d you get a construction worker? And why is he naked in the bathroom?”. And she yelled back, to my surprise from behind the bathroom door I had just closed behind me: “you son of b*tch, that was me that was in there, get in here and shave me”. She was putting on her face, I totally didn't recognise her without make up. She had stubble and everything. Now I know what she really looks like and to be honest with you I feel hurt that she would lie to me like that all these past weeks. I thought I was blessed to be sleeping with an angel, I didn’t know I’d been taking a construction worker in high heels really hard from behind all this time. To be honest with you I think I’ve said too much and we should move on quickly. 

Let’s start afresh on a new page, let me introduce myself first and then we’ll go from there. And don’t worry, we’ll get to the music news part, lemme just warm up for a minute. It’s my first day writing here and I’ve been given specific instructions that I must follow, to make my boss happy – I don’t eat ass but sometimes I kiss it a little bit to make her happy, she really likes that. Oh wait, did I mention that my girlfriend, the girl I was talking about earlier was my boss? Yep, I'm totally hitting that. Sadly, I suspect I’m not the first one in the office she’s dated, that’s another reason I’ve been thinking about ditching her - I’ve been hearing things, but let’s move on. 

The instructions I was given was that no matter what I write about I must touch on 3 specific subject matters every single time: Jesus, p*ssy and dollars; or else my articles would be rejected. I think I’ve almost got the pussy cat part covered so let’s quickly finish that up and then we’ll have just two left to go and then we’ll get down to the music news story of the day that you came here for. You can read the original “Jesus, p*ssy and dollars” article written by one of my colleagues [here] so you know I’m not bullsh*tting you when I say I’ve been told I must do this. 

Now, I’m one of the older and significantly more mature writers here in the SRL writers room so please excuse me if I use big words like condoms, and heterosexual, and compact dicks (oops!! I meant compact discs). 

I’m not a couchie monster like all these young f*ckers that eat everything and walk around in torn, dirty clothes with expressionless eyes looking like Dua Lipa in that Michael Jackson Thriller video. Oh you didn’t know she was in there? Watch it again, they’re all Dua Lipa. I wear a suit and a tie to work and I’m a really awesome and dignified writer but to be honest with you I haven’t always been this amazing. In fact the reason I became a writer was because my literature teacher back in school wore really short skirts and every time I was naughty she put me over her bare laps and spanked me really hard with her sweet soft palms after all the other pupils had left. Consequently, I never missed an opportunity to be naughty and I failed every test to make sure I was her worst ever pupil and she would spank me harder for tarnishing her outstanding record as an English teacher. It was all going really well for us, we had such an amazing relationship, that she obviously didn’t know about. I even used to tell myself we were secret lovers, until one day I enjoyed it a little too much and after she was finished I moaned out the words “oh my Gaawwwd, that was so amazing”. I then gave her a soft peck on the cheek as I got off her laps and our lips touched a little bit as I got up. Just as she was about to express her rage and disgust, and as she furiously reached for the really painful cane that wasn’t exciting at all when it hit the buttocks, a full condom fell out of my shorts 🤯. Her jaws dropped, she nearly passed out from the potent mix of shock, fury, confusion, shame, reverse paedophilia and intense rage that would have been circulating inside her at the time. I wasn’t sorry at all, I was totally wasted (it was high school for God's sake, what did you expect - no one has told me what the High in High School means up till this day). I didn’t even stop to retrieve the full condom, I just left. I was due for my after-sex cigarette. To cut a long story short I had to read all the literature books and do all my outstanding homework to keep from getting expelled that year, while my classmates were out at summer camp competing to see who's fingering finger smelled strongest for longest and they weren't playing the guitar I assure you. That’s how I became a writer, that’s my story. Well, that’s the p*ssy part of my obligation covered. Let’s move on to the money part, then we’ll talk about Jesus a little bit. And then we’ll get to the news m-kay? I'll be quick, promise. 

Now, what I’m about to tell you next totally doesn’t apply to you and I. We both know how awesome we are deep down inside, but we leave it unspoken (obviously) so that people think we’re really down to earth and cool. I may still use the words “you” and “I” here and there but remember, it’s not us we’re talking about, it’s "them". Wait, wait, wait, not “THEM” them, you know those fabulous ladies and gents, oops!! I mean Thems and Thems, who don’t like to be identified by their penises and boobies and clitorises? You know who I’m talking about? Well, not them - other people, that’s what I meant to say. Basically anyone who’s not as awesome and cool as you and I. 

You know how people sometimes say crazy stuff like “ANYTHING can happen”? I know, crazy right? I mean,  ANYTHING? Really? Can a piano fall out of the sky right now? GTFOOH!! That’s what I tell people who say that sh*t to me now, it's f*cking ridiculous. In fact I keep away from people who say stuff like that. As far as I’m concerned they are either not yet woke or, more suspect than an overweight spinster buying a cucumber at the late night supermarket – they’re up to something fishy as far as I’m concerned. See what I did there? Fishy? He-he-he. Anyway, do you know there are people in the world that have never said that? And not because they are like you and I, who obviously never EVER fail, but because they plan EVERYTHING to the last detail, much like you and I do. Let’s dedicated this whole article to everyone else who is not like us and even help them get on track and create a bulletproof life plan so that when people ask them how life’s going or how their day is going they can say “exactly as I planned”, instead of weird annoying stuff like “so and so” or “same day different shit” or “we’re still alive” or whatever people with no plans say. But why am I sure they’ll say "exactly as I planned", you may ask? And I know you know the answer already but I’ll say it anyway (for the “them” we were talking about before, who may or may not know) – because that’s exactly my plan! Obviously. 

In case you haven’t guessed already, I’m known as the “Life Coach” guy here. Everyone else is choosing exciting descriptive titles to help them stand out in the news room since we are not allowed to use names or pen names for whatever reason so that’s how you can find my articles, search for the “Life Coach” guy. My articles are designed to get your life on track, so, to cut a long story short, if your life is perfect, then GTFOOH!! Just kidding, he-he-he, you’re most welcome to stay. 

To be honest with you I learned most of what I know from my colleague the “Ideas Guy”. He’s a freaking nerd but he has changed many lives here in the writers room. To be honest with you I was just an okay writer before I came here but I thought I was as good as I could ever get. Now, I'm so amazing you’d think my name was God if you stood outside my bedroom window on any morning, day or night of the week for 3 minutes or more – yep, I’m pretty darn awesome and ladies totally love me now. 

I never thought I could get rich from writing without even writing a book and a big movie script but the “Ideas Guy” totally opened my eyes to some new sh*t. When I first got here I thought he was a total d*ckhead and he needed to be more “woke” in the sense of the word that kids these days mean when they say “woke”. In other words, call things that are good “bad”, “your clothes are not brand new unless they’re torn and dirty”, “you’re not awesome unless you’ve got permanent marker all over your body”, and “you’re not doing it right if you don’t burp after eating ass (oops!! I meant tossing salad - let’s make it sound classy)” 😊. This place is riddled with them and they totally give me the heebie-jeebies to be honest. I literally cross over to the other side of the corridor and refrain from eye contact when I see them 😁, I think they are AI. 

Anyway, the “Ideas Guy”’s persistent inappropriate use of emojis is getting really annoying already, that's why I think he's such a d*ckhead. I think he should just stop using them until he knows what they mean. I was going out to pick up some munchies for lunch this afternoon so I offered to pick up some things for the nerds who were still sitting at their desks working away at lunch time. I took everyone’s orders and left then I received a really annoying text message from the “Ideas Guy” that really pissed me off. It was a single egg plant emoji . I was so annoyed because somehow I understood what he was trying to tell me – he’s a vegetarian. I was even more steamed that I actually understood that sh*t. Anyway, like I said before, he changed my life, so I can't really hate him. I can call him a total douche bag, but I totally love that f*cker. 

I'll tell you how it all happened. The “Ideas Guy” and I went out for drinks one day. He said it was a ritual of his, called "Day Drinking", where he goes out and gets drunk in broad day light on a day of the week, usually around the beginning, before Wednesday. It would usually end at night somehow but it starts around lunch time and he'd never actually get drunk. I got drunk within a few hours but he was perfectly fine. While I was drunk he got me to do one of his silly mental exercises (search for "the Ideas Guy" in the search bar above and the search bar on SRL Reviews to find his articles and the mental exercises I'm talking about). I had always thought they were stupid and I'd never fully understood them but I was totally wasted so I went along with it. When I woke up the morning after the first thing that flashed in my mind was a pretty ordinary hair brush in a shop window that cost $8,000,000.00 exactly. I didn’t see the name of the shop or anything else in the window but till this day I still see it every time I brush my hair and I want it really bad – in fact I’ve got to have it! 

Lemme tell you how it started. I said to him (in a really slurred voice, ‘cos we were drinking Jack Daniels): “hey man, I love you man”. “I would totally love to pay for all these grossly overpriced drinks but I’m totally broke”, and then for some reason I rested my head on his shoulder and put my arm around him. He responded disgustedly and pushed me away: “love me?! What the f*ck are you talking about? You just met me”. And I replied: “I know, that’s what makes it so special”. I continued: “I’m a really amazing writer but I’m soooo broke man”. He said to me, “broke? how much have you got?” I said to him, “nothing man, nothing at all, I'm totally skint man, I'm sh shh*t”. 

And then he asked me a question no one in the world had ever asked me and that I had never actually thought about prior. He said: "well, how much do you want to have?" I replied, puzzled, stuttering, confused: "I don't know? A lot?" He got so steamed, furious even and his reply was “f*ck you!”. 

All I remember from that moment was really blurry so forgive me if this is not really specific. He said “you’ve got a date with a toilet bowl in the morning so I’m gonna make this quick so you don't miss it”. He said “you say you’re broke, well how much money have you got, damn it? Gimme a number!” I said “I don’t know, maybe twenty? Fifty maybe. Not very much”. He said “well how the f*ck can you say you’re broke if you don’t even know how much you’ve f*cking got in your pockets right now? That’s absolutely insane, you’re not broke you’re f*cking insane. Lemme see your wallet.” I replied defensively in a really slurred voice, “wh--a--at??” He said “take out your f*cking wallet, put your money on the table so we can count it”. We counted it. It turned out I had more money than I thought I actually had - about one hundred and twenty seven pounds and eight four pence. The last thing I remember is counting backwards from one hundred to zero and the next morning all my money problems were gone. “The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers is now included at the beginning and end of every one of my Spotify playlists to make sure I never forget to do exactly that. You know that song that goes "You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table..." 

Anyway...

Phew!! That’s the dollars part of the article done, now let’s do the Jesus part and then we’ll get to the music news story. The Jesus part is so easy. It’s just an extension of the “dollars” part. 

When I woke up the morning after Day Drinking with the "Ideas Guy" all I saw was a really bright light. I thought I was dead but it was the “Ideas Guy” standing over me as I awoke in what was definitely not my bed. He had let me spend the night at his house, how thoughtful of him. The glorious sunshine from the nearby windows were reflecting off his humongous extra-thick glasses into my eyes and totally blinding me. He was holding a bucket and he ushered me to the bathroom. I threw up every step of the way. He had prepared the bathroom nicely for the “date with a toilet bowl” he had predicted the night before. It was warm and cosy, I’ve never thrown up so good in my life. I’ve also never drunk too much ever since. When I was done, he brought me a glass of ginger ale and he read me a passage from the Bible, the one about the Widow who had only 3 drops of oil left in a jar and as my eyes cleared I noticed my one hundred and twenty seven pounds and eight four pence spread out in front of me on a really glamorous dressing table. His last words to me as I looked at my reflection in the massive vanity mirror with all types of lights in front of me before he left for work were “how much money have you got?”. I replied in a dazed voice with conviction, as if I was proud of it, almost like a soldier: “one hundred and twenty seven pounds and eight four pence”. He continued: “and how much money do you want”. I replied again, still dazed yet determined but with a little fierceness to it, almost like The Godfather. I even squinted my eyes a little bit: “eight million dollars”. Then he said “well you’d better count your money again, and give thanks… ” And then he started to walk away as if to say his job was done. As he walked away he handed me a hair brush like the one that had flashed in my mind just before I woke up, saying “… and brush your hair, you look like sh*t.” 

I’ve had amazing hair and a fat bank account ever since. 

Phew!! Well, I believe I’ve fulfilled my obligations and we can now proceed to the music news story of the day. I hope you learned something from that little story. It doesn’t just apply to money, it applies to any and everything. In fact, just before I started writing this article I did a word count on every article ever written in the SRL writers room to find the longest – and I’m pretty sure I would have broken the record by the end of this article. You know how I know? Well of course you do, remember at the beginning I said I would help “them” get on track and create a bulletproof life plan? That’s exactly what I did here. I selected a goal at the start of the article. I got focused on the goal by keeping the goal in my mind and counting backwards from one hundred to one. And then I opened a blank sheet of paper (I use Microsoft word for drafts, so a blank page, he-he-he). And then I counted the words on it – there we zero obviously, and yet I gave thanks for it, and for Microsoft Word. I then proceeded to do a word count on the longest article ever written in the SRL writers room. In other words I established a starting point and a finish line, kind of like Google maps. The goal had no other option but to be achieved because prior to even beginning I’d told myself how awesome I was, like I do every day when I wake up and every night before I bury my face into the glorious bosom of my girlfriend and pass out in ecstasy till the following morning. I haven’t counted words or tried to make this article long so I can meet my goal. Whether I accomplish my goal or not hasn’t even crossed my mind at all until mentioning it now and even then, I feel absolutely nothing as I talk about it, in fact Dua Lipa would totally worship my expressionless face and eyes right now if she saw them. Now we have a starting point (blank sheet), a destination (longest article), and the final and most important part, the vehicle to get me from start to finish (I’m awesome). And hence, goal achieved, whether you like it or not - just wait and see, count it if you don't believe me. Works like magic every single time. But I’m sure you knew that already, you’re awesome too. Okay let’s do this music news thingy.

You’re gonna be really happy you waited for the music news story of the day because it’s really big. South Korean trio Love X Stereo is back on the scene with a brand new sound and they’re bigger than ever. First of all, if you’ve never heard about this independent band before shame on you. Okay that was a little harsh, but you probably should really come here a lot more often so you don’t miss amazing things like this that could change your life and raise your bar for good music so high that Snoop Dogg would totally pass out trying to reach it. Yep, South Korea’s top independent electronic rock music trio is nothing to play with when it comes to innovative sounds and musical ecstasy. If you've never had an eargasm before, they will totally take your virginity - but in a very gentle and caring way that won't hurt, I promise. And you won't even want it back after, like Madonna. In fact since they made their debut back in 2011 no other band has been able to follow them in a live performance line-up without sounding (and probably also feeling) shitty, and these guys have played almost literally every self-respecting music festival featuring electronic rock music in East Asia, the UK and even the USA. Pretty awesome for a band that is fully independent without a record label or any sort of big financial backers to buy their shiny leather jackets and bring them hookers and really good weed after a hard day’s work right? My favourite LXS record is “Buzzin”, their very first album, but I have so many favourites sometimes I just put all their albums on repeat and tell Spotify’s sh*tty algorithms to f*ck off forever. These guys are so awesome if AI tried to recreate them there’d be a lot of small explosions in whatever circuits are involved, and a lot of smoke, but not the good smoke. I’ve tried finding a band this good to follow their songs in my Spotify playlists but everything else sounds like crap after a Love X Stereo song. They were even featured in the famous mainstream music magazine, RollingStone’s May 2023 Top 10 Rising Artists To Watch list, so you know they’re a pretty huge deal. Okay I think you get how awesome they are now. If you’ve heard them before then you know my above statements haven’t even scraped the surface of how amazing they are, but what can I say? I tried (sigh!!).

Kicking off on the 20th of May, 2023, Love X Stereo (or LXS for short) began what can only be described as a full-fledged musical onslaught that could change the world’s music landscape forever for the better before AI gets here and destroys everything that is considered "real" including music. “Lucid Dreams” an exciting single featuring an exciting new South Korean music act by the name of Da1sy Doom was released to critical acclaim as is the case with every single one of their records. Arriving more than 15 months after their last record “All 3”, which was released back in January 2022, it’s their first official new release of 2023 and every critic and fan would gladly admit that it was well worth the wait. The track was quickly followed by the release of “@ttraction”, another even more spectacular song on the 27th of May, and then the latest “Miracle City” was released today, the 3rd of June, 2023. There is talk about a lot of other new records on the way. Look out for a full review of every single one of these songs on Skunk Radio Live Music Reviews in the near future. We are also expecting a good number of exciting local, national and possibly international upcoming concert dates, online gigs and other live appearances, which can be found on the Skunk Radio Live Events page once confirmed. There are also several exciting new music videos by the sensational Seoul duo streaming now on Skunk Radio Live TV so be sure to also check them out and share them with only your very best friends who you are sure deserve it.

Well, that’s about all from me for today. I hope our time together has been time well spent. Oops!! I mean, I KNOW our time together has been time well spent - because that’s the way I planned it out to be; and I know we will meet here again really soon. So, from me the ”Life Coach” guy and the amazing couchie monsters (oops!! I meant Millennials) and nerds here at the Skunk Radio Live writers room, have a wonderful day and a bulletproof life plan.

See you tomorrow. 

I was just kidding about the "couchie monsters" part obviously, I totally don’t call Millennials, Gen-zees and Hippies that, everyone’s doing it. I don’t want anyone knocking on my office door after this threatening to eat me, like that Little Red's grand mother in that scandalous children's story; that let the big bad wolf eat her - what a bad example for kids wouldn't you say? 

Anyway, toodles.

Close your eyes - it's darker than that

NEW MUSIC

HIP HOP NEWS

18-03-2023 03:29 GMT

PURPLE PAIN

Music industry update | Wisconsin, USA | Indie artist, Daiyon

Hello and welcome to my little playground, I’m so happy you came. To be honest with you I’ve been expecting you, I knew you’d come. That’s what I’m really happy about, that I was right. But enough about me, how are you doing? How’s your day? Discover anything new and exciting yet? If you haven’t, that’s about to change really fast. If you have, then I’m about to blow your mind sky high, since it has already been primed. 

I’m "the ideas guy" here in the SRL writers room. I don’t write smut, I don’t talk about religion, I don’t talk about money - unless someone is thinking about giving me some; and to be honest with you I’m not in pursuit of mass appeal when I write – it’s totally cool though and I’m sure I will go viral many times before long. My aim as a writer is to create ideas, that’s it. An idea is the most important thing in the whole entire universe. Did you know that? Everything starts with an idea, EVERYTHING. So you’ll be glad you came here today. I know I started by saying "welcome to my little playground" but it’s not little at all - I watched Scarface too many times. It’s vast, and dark, very dark. Close your eyes – it's darker than that. This is really serious stuff we are about to explore, so buckle up. I said we were gonna create ideas right? But how are we gonna do that? We’re going to assume that every idea comes from a brain cell, an "ideas" brain cell let's say, because as I'm sure you can imagine, there are probably many, many types. We’re going to try to create one "ideas" brain cell each time you come here. That sounds pretty simple and straight forward doesn’t it? So let’s get right down to it shall we? And oh by the way, we’re going to name each of these brain cells we create to make them fun and exciting, and also easy to remember. Let’s call the one we’re going to create today Magneto. What do you think? Pretty catchy ey? 

Now, the easiest way to tell if or when Magneto has arrived is if you get a new idea. You’ll find yourself being compelled to do something, it may be something you’ve tried before or something entirely new. You may find yourself reading a book or searching for information somewhere you never thought to look, or downloading an app, or watching a video. But don’t forget, you’ll only get an idea from this exercise m-kay? Nothing else, except maybe a rush. Alright, let’s do it shall we? 

Now, who’s your favourite person in the world? Someone that’s guaranteed to put a smile on your face every single time. And don’t say Miley Cyrus, she’s mine. If you don’t have a favourite person, where is your favourite place in the world? And if you don’t have a favourite place, what makes you feel good? Okay, now hold that thought…

Hold it…

Hold it…

Breathe deep, and breathe out like you just met that favourite person or arrived at that favourite place, or did that thing you like to do. 

Okay you’re ready. 

What’s another word for infinite? Any word, there’s no wrong answer, I promise… 

Really think about it…

Think…

Deeper…

Got one? Let’s go. What did you pick? Limitless? Endless? Huge? Immeasurable? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Humongous? All great answers but not as great as the answer I’ll give you in a minute or two once we’ve explored a few exciting topics like we’ll be doing every time we meet here to create ideas. 

As I mentioned before, I’m so happy to have you here today. I’m wearing my lime green mankini right now. Not for you, but I just couldn’t resist mentioning it. They’re so soft and comfortable. No one else in the office knows I’m wearing it so let it be our little secret. I know I need to explain, so I’ll just go right ahead and do that so you don’t get weirded out and leave.

My boss is a total weirdo. Really hot, and smells AMAZEBALLS, but I’ve never seen her smile. She always has that look on her face like she suspects you’ve been up to no good, and it’s been at her expense. Like the whole world is planning something behind her back or something. Sometimes when she ends a conversation and leaves she turns around really fast while she’s walking away to see if she catches you doing something behind her back. Every month, around about the second week, or later sometimes, she pops up and selects someone at random. She kicks in the office door and yells out “you, drop down and gimme twenty”. It’s not always twenty, sometimes it’s more sometimes less, and no one has ever been able to give her as many push ups (or whatever exercise) as she has demanded. Not because the number is large but because no one is ever prepared and an item of clothing usually gets ripped or damaged in the process, which is never cool. Oh wait that’s cool now, I forgot. In fact the other day I was so excited to be going to lunch I put my jacket on too fast and ripped the armpit. My first reaction was “Fuck!! my new jacket”, then I remembered and thought to myself – “kids are buying torn clothes now, this is totally fine”. I was totally the coolest person in the office that day. The minute I stepped out of my door I was getting compliments left, right and centre. What a weird day that was. I’ve been saving money on clothes ever since, in fact the socks I’m wearing right now has so many holes in it you’d think they were Madonna’s gloves. The upside is anyone who fails the task is sent home and told to take the rest of the week off – everyone loves that part and is perfectly happy to fail, but not me. So anyway I decided to be prepared because I have a feeling there is a price or something to be gained by whoever completes the task, whether it’s ten or a hundred push ups. I’m a sucker for a price and I WANT IT! To cut a long story short I’ve been wearing this mankini for two weeks straight. I wear it underneath and then take off my clothes once I’m at my desk. I keep my socks and shoes on obviously. I will be ready when that moment comes and whatever the price is, IT WILL BE MINE! M-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!! (“villain voice”).

Now, let’s get back to the question I ask you earlier quickly. I can sense you’re getting a little impatient and starting to suspect that this is just a Kanye West style rant that is going absolutely nowhere really slowly. I’m going somewhere with this, I promise. In fact we’re already there. 

As I mentioned earlier, my task today with this little music news article was pretty simple - crucial, but simple. My task was to help you create one new brain cell that will give you an idea. I know you’ve got many and I know you’re creating more and more every second, even as we speak; but this one is a very special one we’re going to create, in fact I have a feeling you might have created it already. Have you? Okay don’t tell me yet, let’s continue. This new brain cell already has a purpose and a destiny even though we technically haven’t created it yet - YOU haven’t created it yet, or maybe you have and you didn’t even know it. The brain cell’s task would be to formulate a single idea centred around that word you chose at the start of the article when I asked you for another word for infinite. What word did you pick? Make sure you remember it because you’ll be coming across it again sometime today, maybe even tomorrow, or later. And it will come with a BIG idea too because infinite is a really big word. Make sure you don’t ignore anything that seems unachievable or too great today because you can totally do it. 

By the way, would you like to know what word I picked? 

Of course you do. 

“Round”, that’s the word I picked. You’d have to have a really special dictionary to find the word round and infinite together, but trust me on that one - it's perfect.

Do you know that every time you encounter a new problem and have to find a solution to it you have to create a brain cell in the way we just did? Assuming we succeeded, that is. Of course you do, or else you wouldn't be here, reading this. Or maybe you didn’t know, but I’m pretty sure you suspected something like that was happening behind the scenes inside your head.

My task today has now been completed and we can move on to the music news story you and I both are here for. The reason I picked that task today was to shed light on the fact that with every new gadget invented to solve our problems, humans create less problem solving brain cells – the same brain cells that bring about big ideas, geniuses, and other intelligent stuff. AI is coming, in fact it’s already here. So you’ll need to be really sharp to remain relevant, we’ll all need to be. When I thought about how ridiculous it was that I had worn the same mankini for four weeks (I know I said two – I lied, I didn’t want you to think I was absolutely bonkers) while I was looking in the mirror and adjusting my bits, I realised my boss was just keeping us on our toes and helping us to keep generating new "ideas" brain cells and stay sharp by presenting us with an unpredictable situation that would always keep us thinking. It really got me thinking, and I might have created a new brain cell that gave me the idea to tell someone else (YOU) about the great revelation I had. Ideally you in turn will do the same thing, and then the person you tell will also be compelled to do the same, and tell someone who will tell someone, and the cycle will continue - round and round, and round and round, and round and round again. Remember the word I said I picked earlier as a synonym for infinite? ROUND. See? Clever ey? Capeesh?

Now let’s get right down to this music news story shall we? Now that I’m completely satisfied that I’ve totally boggled your mind and left you astounded – my main goal every time I pick up a pen to write. Yes! (“fist pump emoji”)

Wait, something tells me you were expecting more on the topic of that brain cell you were going to create - Magneto. There’s no more to be said, either you created it at some point during the course of this article or not. If you did, you’ll know. Hold that word you chose in your mind and if you remember it at some point after you’ve forgotten about it, you probably did – and your big idea will arrive at some point. Write in the comment section when it arrives okay? 

Okay the music news story now, I think my boss has arrived and is circling, and may be heading this way anytime now. Shhh!!! Let's do this quick. 

The new album “Purple Pain” by one of the most watched and most talked about emerging Wisconsin, US rapper Daiyon was released to critical acclaim on the 7th of March, 2023, just over 11 days ago. It follows a series of highly praised records by the fast-rising underground hip hop star that have left critics, fellow rappers, fans, and the industry as a whole lost for words. It’s his third album three years in a row, and each one has grossly surpassed its predecessor and left every listener with nothing left to wish for. Daiyon has been praised for his authenticity and originality since the start of his career several years ago. His creativity seems to know no bounds and he leaves no stone unturned in exploring his seemingly limitless artistic potential to paint the perfect picture every single time. With singles like “We Live”, “Hands Up” and “See Me Now”, he put his name on the map as one of the next big names in hip hop. He has evolved progressively every year since, and more so especially during the last 3 years. The new album “Purple Pain” is now in the Top 100 and Top 200 iTunes Charts and continues to rise quickly. “Purple Pain” is available to stream and download on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music and all popular digital music streaming and discovery platforms. Listen to the full album in the Spotify music player below. 

As usual, there will be a thorough review of the full 13 track album on SRL Reviews in the coming weeks. 

Have a genius day, from me “the ideas guy” and the rest of the team here at the SRL writers room. See you tomorrow.

Explicit.

Shhh! Don't tell anyone...

NEW MUSIC VIDEOS

HIP HOP NEWS

13-03-2023 16:22 GMT

BACK TO THE …

Music industry update | North Carolina, USA | Indie artist, Yung Rackz

The other day I read one of the other writers here say something about never having had writer's block and bragging about it like a little twat. Being a writer and saying you’ve never had writer’s block is like a teenager saying they’ve never had a pimple. The other day I saw a young lad with a huge pimple ON TOP of another pimple. It was disgusting. It made me so annoyed. I told him to look the other way and then I pounced on him and tried to pop it (or them). I managed to pop only one but it was really satisfying. 

But where were we? Ah yes, the newbie who says he’s never had writer’s block. I’m sure he’s in the writer’s chat room and is reading this article live as I'm writing it right now but I’ll continue talking about him anyway. Aha, here come the egg plant emojis telling me I'm a "you know what". I knew it, he's here. I’ve read many of his articles and I’m certain he’s had it many times, he was just too much of a newbie to know he was having it – and yes, that’s possible. It’s possible to be absolutely wrong and not even know it. Like when I used to tell Jehovah’s Witnesses they were full of shit and give them a sachet of laxatives before slamming the door and going back to sleep on Sunday mornings. I thought they were f*ing with me when they told me I had to kick a bucket first and then wet someone's beak a little bit before I could meet MY OWN lord and saviour, so I thought it was only right I f*cked with them back. Right? Well, as it turns out, nope! That's childish. But let’s not get into that now mkay. Anyway, that’s that as per that – every writer has had writer’s block. I don’t care if you are William Shakespeare or Jane Austen; or that Harry Potter lady, what’s her name again? I know, who gives a f* right? After what she said about the ... em.. em... The ... Okay I'm lost for words, they've changed their names more times than Puff Daddy and I don't want to offend them by saying the wrong one. But you know who I mean. Let's call them the Teletubbies (because everyone love the Teletubbies) for now so no one knows who we're talking about when we say it mkay? Shhh! Don't tell anyone. I mean, gays have been calling their butt holes p*ssies since the dawn of time, that's not news. And who cares? That’s nothing to get upset or jealous about. Just take care of yours like you’ve been doing, and just deal with it children's book lady, m-kay? There’s so much going on in the world right now, let’s move on before I hit a backlash sweet spot. Wait, have I hit it? I hope not. Let’s move on QUICK!

I hate to tell you this but I feel like I should be honest with you. I’m totally hung over right now, and I’m not sure if I might say some things that may offend you so I’ll try to keep this brief and segue into the music news story of the day as smoothly and as comfortably for you as possible. I thought I had writer’s block in the morning then I remember I was at this wild party last night and I totally got wasted. To cut a long story short, I took the train to work this morning and I’ve just downloaded this “find my car” app thingy because I did the right thing and didn’t drive home last night after the party – mainly because I couldn’t find my car, but whatever. I hate to be the one to say it but London’s South Eastern railway network needs to step up their game. That was the slowest journey I’ve ever had my entire life. At some point I felt like getting out onto the tracks and pushing the train so it could move a little quicker, good lord it was annoying. I’m not proud of it but I totally passed out owing to the build up of rage and all the alcohol and stuff that was inside me. I woke up ages later and we were only at the next stop. There was a homeless man sitting right opposite me when I woke up. He was looking straight at me, and he was eating my sandwich and using my laptop. I was FURIOUS. I didn’t see the laptop at the time but he was looking down at his laps every now and again and fiddling around. I thought he was probably just having an erection or something. There was a table in-between us so I couldn't see what was going on. I screamed at him “WTF are you doing? That’s my sandwich!!”. And he responded calmly, as if I was bothering him, “I thought you were done with it”. I screamed back at him, “It wasn’t even opened yet!!!”. He said “Yeah I know, I had to open it obviously”. And then he paused mid-bite, apologised and handed it back to me, "Here, you want it back? I'm sorry".  I was so steamed. I smacked it away, crossed my arms and pouted like a sissy. I didn't know what to do, I wasn't about to fight a dirty homeless man. As he stood up to leave the train at the next stop I noticed my laptop and said “You f*cker!! That’s my laptop too!!”. He said “No, it’s a tablet”. I wasn’t gonna get into an argument with him, I just grabbed it “Gimme by my tablet you bastard”. He left. I suddenly realised we had been the only ones in the carriage all along. I wiped it down furiously with some antibacterial wipes. 

When I opened my tablet I was shocked to discover he had written this article and stopped at the end of the previous paragraph where I started telling the story. It was amazing when I read it and I didn’t change a thing. That wasn’t the first time I met my lord and saviour. The first time I met him, I was in Jamaica sitting under a palm tree burning a really big bush, but that’s another story. Prior to party, and the whole incident after, I remember leaving the office early in the day suspecting I was coming down with writer’s block – I was. So I did what I’d normally do when I come down with it - absolutely nothing. I sat down in a comfortable chair and watched the clock tick for a while, and then it came to me. The message I have been commissioned by the universe to deliver to you today, which you’ve been eagerly anticipating even without knowing it was here. And it is this: you’re only ever right at the right time. If you suck, buy a watch, and watch it really closely – your life could change. Personally, I never wear a watch. But then again I don’t suck at all, in fact I’m awesome. I had writer’s block because I was writing on a Sunday afternoon when I knew I was supposed to be having a happy ending massage and eating Skittles, in preparation for the week ahead. Oops!! I meant a spa day, obviously; and eating Skittles. I was doing it at the wrong time so it wasn't happening. Sometimes I sneak into the office when no one is there to get a little extra work in so I can get ahead of my competitors. I know it’s a bad habit but I’m working on it. So there you have it, my message for you today – “You are only ever right at the right time”. I don’t know why the universe wanted you to know that but I’m sure you know. Now let’s get right down to this exciting music news story I’ve been waiting to tell you about. This is so awesome, you’re gonna love it.

He's without doubt one of the most successful and most influential underground hip hop artists out of  North Carolina, USA in over a decade, and Yung Rackz is not slowing down or stopping anytime soon. Taking the region by storm with the release of the critically acclaimed single “Back In The Day” several years ago, Rackz has persistently blazed a trail and is ranked number one by most, if not all self-respecting hip hop music critics and fans who know anything about rap music. Defying all expectations every single time, the Winston Salem sensation has over 25 critically acclaimed records under his belt including more than 9 albums. He was even co-signed by legendary award-winning hip hop artist Jadakiss back in 2020 when he released the massive “Trapademic” mixtape which has become one of his most talked about records to date and is still getting a lot of love even after 2 subsequent, also highly acclaimed full length albums – “Lost Tapes” in 2022; and his latest “Blessing Out The Trap”, a massive 17 track album which was released back in January and is causing pandemonium everywhere. 

On the 11th of March, Rackz released the music video for “Back 2 Da Block”, which sits in position number 12 of his latest album “Blessing Out The Trap” and which continues to receive rave reviews and abundant radio airplay. The new music video is available to stream and download on YouTube and other music video streaming platforms, as well as selected indie music promotion platforms. But don’t worry, you don’t need to go anywhere. Just scroll down below to watch it right here right now.

Okay! So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I’d like to wish you a very joyous, prosperous and harmonious day. See you tomorrow. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Explicit.