NEW MUSIC
SOUL NEWS
08-01-2023 17:27 GMT
BIG HORNY BLUES
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| Music industry update | California, USA | Indie singer songwriter, Ava Lemert |
Okay let’s dive straight into this music news story, the one we’re both here to discuss; and the one that will hopefully get us to our next passionately explosive moment of musical ecstasy. Wait, that’s what you came here for right? Cool, glad we’re on the same track. (See what I did there? Same "TRACK"? I told you I was good.)
The critically acclaimed 2022 single “Big Horn Blues” by California, US based independent saxophonist and singer songwriter Ava Lemert has been receiving a lot of love lately and I just wanted to share it with you so that you can also share it with others and we can all have one big party across the globe listening to it at the same time during Ava’s next live streamed concert, which takes place every Friday night. Yes, I changed the title a little bit to make the headline a little more catchy and to attract a sizeable chunk of the millions of horny teenagers that make the internet smell funny but feel so alive at the same time.
I used to be such an integrous writer, but to be honest it got me nowhere so I decided to resort to sneaky writing practices and talking about sex stuff like most of the other writers do here – and it totally worked. Being the first female writer at the SRL Music News room wasn’t easy. No one ever wanted to publish my work. They claimed it was drab and too politically correct to get any attention on the Wild Wild Web. After a few months of rejection and a few office parties I started to loosen up and then something happened one day. I had been out with some of the guys for dinner. We had a lot of chicken drumsticks and too much wine. I was a little over tipsy and these words came out of my mouth as I belched loudly with my hand on my belly and my head tilted backwards as if it was too heavy while trying to walk – “Ooooh my God, I’ve got more dark meat inside me than Kim Kardashian.”
WTF? Where did it come from? Who said that? No one could believe it. The dark rooms, overly liberal atmosphere, casual work environment and carefree attitudes of the SRL News Room had started rubbing off on me. I was becoming a total scumbag – and I loved it!
The next day when I got into the office one of the guys dropped a pen like they had done every single day since I started working in the news room – and I bent over really slowly so my skirt could ride up a little bit, turned around to watch as all the jaws dropped, smiled and I picked it! Just like that, my best writer was born. I’ve never had an article rejected since.
The time has come for me to take my career to the next level so I’m going to do something a little drastic. I want to go Kanye West on the literary world and say something really awful about Jewish people so that I too can be the most Googled person on earth. I’ll ease into it casually sometime during the course of my career, not necessarily in this article. Make sure you stop everything you are doing and share it immediately with everyone you know so that I can get in some real trouble and find a way of capitalizing on the bad publicity okay? Thanks.
Now where were we?
Ah yes, Ava’s song.
Released during the earlier part of last year, “Big Horn Blues” is just one of several highly praised independent soul records that got the genre’s fans and critics excited again. Ava is one of those artists that never seizes to amaze. She pushes the limits every time, and every new song draws her closer to the hearts of her very loyal fan base, who have stuck with her through the ten plus years of her illustrious independent music career. Ava’s next weekly live stream is coming up, so make sure you tune in and request “Big Horn Blues”.
Now,
The time has come for me to take my career to the next level so I’m going to do something a little drastic. I want to go Kanye West on the literary world and say something really awful about Jewish people so that I too can be the most Googled person on earth. I’ll ease into it casually sometime during the course of my career, not necessarily in this article. Make sure you stop everything you are doing and share it immediately with everyone you know so that I can get in some real trouble and find a way of capitalizing on the bad publicity okay? Thanks.
Now where were we?
Ah yes, Ava’s song.
Released during the earlier part of last year, “Big Horn Blues” is just one of several highly praised independent soul records that got the genre’s fans and critics excited again. Ava is one of those artists that never seizes to amaze. She pushes the limits every time, and every new song draws her closer to the hearts of her very loyal fan base, who have stuck with her through the ten plus years of her illustrious independent music career. Ava’s next weekly live stream is coming up, so make sure you tune in and request “Big Horn Blues”.
Now,
Did you really think I was going to say something bad about Jewish people? Come on! I’d never do any such think, not even for a billion likes. I love Sarah Silverman too much, she’s so cute and huggable, and her butt is so small. I'm pretty sure she has the smallest vagina ever made. I’m not gay at all but I sometimes totally have fantasies about having a sleepover with her and shaving her big bush when she falls asleep.
Just for the record, I love Jews okay? Jesus is so cool and he always gives me money.
Follow Ava Lemert on Twitter:
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