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Why music lost its commercial value, Pt. 8 - Keep away from my crack pipe, I don't want to hit yours either

07-07-2018 20:20 GMT

SRL News Column exploring today's (mainstream) music industry.


Discover why music lost its commercial value in this weekly music analysis article exploring to day's music industry from the point of view of fans. July 7, 2018 - Keep away from my crack pipe
A special feature article by indie writer, The Ghostwriter


This article was originally titled "N**** LGBT Please!", but that seemed too strong. It's one of those controversial articles that I feel could potentially get me fired in a hot second, but being the edgy writer I am, who is never afraid to push the limits of music journalism and shock readers even if just to get only a few more reads - here it goes.

Now as you may or may not know, I usually write this column on Sundays, however, I told my boss I was going to be sick tomorrow so I had to follow through and do it tonight ahead of a well deserved memory cleansing ritual this fine Saturday evening in London.

I'd tell you where I'm heading but to be honest I really don't want to see you - in fact, I doubt that I'll be doing much seeing tonight. Not unless you're shaped like a big onion or a pair of big juicy water melons.

You'll have to excuse my honesty there - it's summer time and everyone looks sexy in the summer time, and I mean every one. No it's not just you - there's something about taking off all those winter layers that just makes the world so beautiful. It doesn't matter if you've been working out or eating bags of chips all year round. I've had to shut all the windows and doors just to be able to focus and it's hot as hell in here. So let's get right down to it shall we?

Now this year's BET Awards kicked off in a way that shocked BET viewers like they've probably never been shocked before or in a very long time, and for many if not all of its old school viewers it was not in a good way at all. BET has been slowly introducing gay culture into its programs following in the footsteps of shows like Empire with new series that are being introduced to fill the humongous void that 106 & Park left behind. The TV network has never been the same since the popular music premiere and promotion program went off air, and it probably will never be, no matter how many pretentious 50 Cent or Gucci Mane shows air. BET has always mainly been known for music discovery but the good Debra Lee has forgotten that and seems to be more interested in copying everything E! is doing. More importantly we'll never forget Terrence J and the bedazzling Rocsi Diaz's chemistry and all the joy they brought to our lives. Yes, they were getting old but we would have loved to see them grow old together (is that weird to say?).

Now I don't watch live TV much since I'm usually too busy but I record everything and watch when I'm free. After tucking myself in one night with a well-sized bottle of Pinot Grigio that was neither half full nor half empty and a hooker of course (not) to watch the BET awards - with my hand closely guarding the fast forward button because I know how mindless mainstream television can get, I couldn't believe my eyes when a booty popping 35 plus year old man, with a juicy booty if I might add (yes I peeked, twice - sue me), with multicolored hair, make up and women's clothes turned up rapping, in a deep voice. What the hell was going on? I had been dreading this moment for years but I couldn't believe it was happening so soon. I found myself hitting the fast forward button quicker than I would a Drake record or a Kanye West record and not because I didn't like it, but more so because I couldn't bear or comprehend the thought of liking it. I couldn't believe it.

Now lets explore why.

In a very general sense, hip hop is about tough guys, just like action movies - everyone knows that. I wouldn't go to the movies hoping to see Arnold Schwarzenegger humping The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) or to see James Bond tongue kissing a man, and that's exactly the same with hip hop. Yes, we need equality in every field of entertainment and in the world as a whole but it's obvious very little thinking went into whatever this particular BET stunt was. How about a hip hop genre for gay rappers? Surely, they'd love that. After all they've got their own parade - straight folks don't even have that and we've been humping each other proudly for millions of years.

Now I'm not anti-LGBT, hell no - some of the nicest, friendliest and in fact some of the most pleasant people in the world are gay, how could anyone not like that? I'm sick of walking through the city and seeing miserable folks, not excluding myself with their problems written all over their faces - maybe we all just need a finger up our butts every now and again, who knows. I've never seen a gay man who wasn't smiling - in fact I'd love to see what that looks like. In the words of Dave Chappelle - "I'm not homophobic, I'm pro p****". I'm just old school, I don't want anyone going near my crack pipe (my butt hole) and I don't want to go near anyone's either.

Why does Debra Lee feel like it's time to force-feed us gay hip hop? This is not the time to be pushing music fans away and making them less likely to buy hip hop records or even stream them at all.

Why do LGBTs feel like they need to force-feed us their culture? No one's bothering them really. Yes, people get disgusted, kiss their teeth, walk the other way and even get angry in severe cases when they see gays showing public displays of affection, or even as little as holding hands but that's just life, everyone is entitled to feel however they feel as long as they are not hurting anyone.

It's the same way racists have a right to be racist, but don't have the right to assault other races just because they feel like. Am I the only one who sees things that way?

 So here's my petition to Debra Lee, the BET team, and mainstream media fat cats probably at the office eating chicken and counting their money ahead of another big night out on the town this fine Saturday evening - there's no such thing as gay hip hop.

 That's it. That's the whole petition.

Share this post to sign the petition or before long you could be waking up in cold sweats in the middle of the night after having dreams of being surrounded by luscious gay rappers twerking on you as you struggle without success not to get aroused, like I've been having since the damn BET Awards.

 Damn you Debra Lee! And to think I had a crush on you (I still do - wink, wink).

Gay rappers need to create their own genre - LG rap, LG pop, etc. Surely, that would be much cooler, much more authentic and much more exciting than trying to convert "straight hip hop" fans - who will never go for it and could potentially rebel.


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